Said jokes

There was a boy in the gym who was in his late teens. He was sitting at the dumbbells tables, but he wasn't lifting. He instead, sat up and was ripping something up.

The manager then walked over to him and asked, "You're hogging the dumbbells, dude! What are you even doing?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Getting ripped, wanna join me?" as he held up stacks of blank paper. The man silently sat on the table with him and grabbed some papers. "Why not?" he finally said.

There were these three men; their names were Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, they were riding in their car, and Shit fell out, so Manners went out to pick Shit up, and Shut up went to the police station.

When he got there, the police officer said, "What's your name, son?" and Shut up said, "Shut up." The officer replies with, "Ummm...excuse me?!" and Shut up said, "Shut up!" and the officer said, "Boy, where are your manners?" and Shut up said, "Round the corner picking up Shit!"

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jill could whack off Jack. Jill yelled out, "Jack, where is your sack?"

Said, "I'm not Jack, I'm your friend Nancy."

The farmers were playing chess, and the winner shouted and said: "I killed your horse!"

The second quickly left, and when he returned he said: "We have poisoned all your cows!"

There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So I took away his towers, and he took away my queen.

Yo mama so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"

Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.

The creator's son tried that!

(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)

I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"

The north and south towers got into an argument.

The south tower said, "We will talk about this when we are on the ground."

Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.

Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."

Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."

I said I’m losing my mind. My friend said, “You didn’t have much to begin with.”

How does the cop respond to being called racist?

He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."

I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"

I walked up to some Arabs and said "Alawakba," then here came the second tower.

Kurt Cobain said he wished he was gay.

That's why he married Courtney Love.

When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.

I said that I have been ill.

I told my friend to look at the clock, then I said, "Is this a bad time?"

Wanna hear a joke?

Yeah.

...

What's the joke?

I said it already!