Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope.
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
What is it called when someone is a wheel chair and in a fire?
Answer: Hot wheels...
Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?
- He robbed children of their innocence.
Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.
What is the biggest fear of firefighters?
Burnout at work.
Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?
A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).
Q: What did the stop light say to the other stop light?
A: Stop looking, I’m changing!
I will remember my brother's last words: if you can't put a fork in a toaster, how about a spoon?
Roses are red,
my life is a disaster,
the children are fast,
but the combine is F A S T E R!
What is yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?
I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.
What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?
I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
What is one good thing about pedophiles?
They drive slow in the school zone.
I'm not going bungee jumping. I was born by broken rubber, and that's not how I'm going out.
What do you do to a pregnant lady on a step?
Push 'em.
The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:
"Hello, please divert to 5° East to avoid collision. Thank you."
The commander starts answering:
"No, you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!"
"Sorry, sir, you are the one who should divert to 5° East! Over!"
"Listen to me, you asshole! We are the USS Washington, and we have an entire fleet at our disposal, and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!"
After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again:
"In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"
What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.
Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.
This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉
