Safety jokes
Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.
Somebody shouts "Fire!"
Man 1: Get the children out!
Man 2: F*** the children!
Man 3: We don't have time!
What’s yellow and can’t swim? A bus full of children.
What does a school bus crash and a train crash have in common?
They always line up.
What could've the Towers done to not start 9/11?
Call 911.
I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the car.
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You only need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
Sonic says... April 1st is the best day to do a school shooting. They will think it’s a joke! 😃
What is it called when someone is in a wheelchair and in a fire?
Hot Wheels...
Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope.
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
What is it called when someone is a wheel chair and in a fire?
Answer: Hot wheels...
Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?
- He robbed children of their innocence.
Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.
What is the biggest fear of firefighters?
Burnout at work.
Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?
A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).
Q: What did the stop light say to the other stop light?
A: Stop looking, I’m changing!
I will remember my brother's last words: if you can't put a fork in a toaster, how about a spoon?