What problems might a blind child run into A wall
I slip on the wet floor, haha silly water :)
-Kachow!!!!!!!!!!!
-LMQ, You know what comes before lighting? THUNDER KACHIGA
Me: What's yellow and can't swim?
My sister: What??
Me: A school bus filled with kids.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun....
Yo' mama is so fat, her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.
Whats yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties
2 hunter are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and and hunter #1 dials 911. Operator: "911 what's your emergency?" Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods fell asleep." Operator: "Check if he's / she's (not assuming genders) dead." *Operator hears a distant gunshot* Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"
Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!
Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"
My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.
He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.
A stone’s throw away, in fact.
Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!
Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"
Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"
Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"
Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"
I want to thank all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the street.
Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.
I made sure it didn't outsmart me.
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.
The other day my computer crashed. Luckily, there were no injuries.
I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.
my blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike he should have been paying attention
People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.
They can stay in their living room.
