Safety jokes
Fuck it, suicide is wrong, but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkour," it's a failed stunt.
What's big and yellow and can't swim? A bus filled with children.
What time is it when you can drive home from phone?
What’s red and bad for your dental health? A brick.
What’s invisible and bad for you to breathe? Mustard gas.
What’s green and bad for you to drink? Radioactive waste.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?
Time to get outside!
Why did the boy not cross the road?
Because he was on thin ice.
What's red, takes my belt, and what I got from a weird children's house?
An orphan.
I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
What do you call a school bus driver that keeps going to sleep? A monster.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad influence on children?
Because he only looks one way when crossing the road.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of screaming children.
Q: What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A: A bus full of children.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of kids drowning.
You're walking on the street when you realize that you're in the road as you feel the horn dying away.
Stephen Hawking is such a bad role model for our kids.
He only ever looks one way when crossing the street.
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
-Lift up your foot.
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.