Safety jokes
Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!
One day, Billy cow wandered off to the railroad tracks where his mother always told him not to go. His mother asked him where he had gone when he got home. He replied that he was just going for a graze. His neighbor later told his mother he had saw him at the railroad tracks. What would you call Billy cow now?
Ground Beef.
Q: Why did the young boy ask his parents to take him to the Cowboys’ AT&T Stadium during the tornado warning?
A: He said, “There’s never a touchdown there.”
Fuck it, suicide is wrong, but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkour," it's a failed stunt.
What's big and yellow and can't swim? A bus filled with children.
What time is it when you can drive home from phone?
What’s red and bad for your dental health? A brick.
What’s invisible and bad for you to breathe? Mustard gas.
What’s green and bad for you to drink? Radioactive waste.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?
Time to get outside!
Why did the boy not cross the road?
Because he was on thin ice.
What's red, takes my belt, and what I got from a weird children's house?
An orphan.
I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
What do you call a school bus driver that keeps going to sleep? A monster.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad influence on children?
Because he only looks one way when crossing the road.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of screaming children.
Q: What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A: A bus full of children.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of kids drowning.
You're walking on the street when you realize that you're in the road as you feel the horn dying away.
Stephen Hawking is such a bad role model for our kids.
He only ever looks one way when crossing the street.
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.