Safety jokes
When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"
Me: "Oh hell nah"
Why are school shootings branded “very American”?
1. They usually happen in the USA.
2. They’re like the Fourth of July: there’s a lot of loud banging and kids screaming.
Why do I love a block? Because I can fall off the stairs.
A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!
Person: "Sorry to bother you, but what's the quickest way to get to the hospital?"
Stranger: "Oh, just go stand in the middle of the road!"
If I saw a homosexual or transsexual man do so much as TOUCH my child, he would be dead, zombified, and castrated by the end of the day.
Protect your young'uns from these degenerate freaks and live off the grid so they have no bearing on your life.
How do you avoid getting raped? Just don't say no!
Why are orphans afraid of your orphanage?
Because I burnt it down!
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
Toaster + Bath = The ultimate bath bomb!
It is not funny about kidnapping.
Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?
People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.
What did the traffic light say to the other?
🚦🚥🚦 Stop looking, I'm changing!
What's black and yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of orphans.
Random guy: Hi, how old are you?
Me: 15
The guy: You're so young, age is just a number.
Me: Do you know what else is a number?
The guy: What?
Me: 911
Stop sign: If you speed, I'll call your parents.
Orphans: Going 180.
If Jesus told you to trust everyone, that must be why there are a lot of kidnappings.
What's the difference between a trampoline and a child?
You take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline.
When a stranger keeps telling kids to kill themselves AKA the Stigg.