New Safety Jokes - Page 9 - Worst Jokes Ever

Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"

Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"

Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"

Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"

I want to thank all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the street.

Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.

I say 1 2 3 all the kids bullied me but now they're not so cool cuz I shot up the school

my blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike he should have been paying attention

People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse. They can stay in their living room.

I went to the shooting range the other day after a while I realized I was the only one there so I decided to go home and saw on the news that there was a mass school shooting and there were reporters on the scene, man I knew I should have stayed around a little longer.

Friend: Why did you touch me? Me: That guy in the corner with no hair , glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.

A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.

Roses are red Violets are blue, I'd get in the van if I where you...

I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.

People say dogs are like their owners. So true. My dog keeps on running into the street as if she doesn't care about her life. I don't care about her life either hahahaha!!;)

Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.

What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.

When the school shooter is just about to leave your classroom, and you think you're in the clear, but the Down syndrome kid says, "Goodbye."

Always practice safe sex: paint an x on the sheep that kick.

So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.