You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving, you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.
Q:Why did the baby cross the road?
A:it wasn't in its car seat
How do you clean ash of a stove with chemicals
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
Q: What did I find on my son's search history. A:Where is the nearest gun shop.
Seat belts are like the condom for cars.
What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.
Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
gun control....
Why did Paul Walker cross the road?
He wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
Condoms? HA! Those are for pussies!
Why did Princess Diana cross the road.........She forgot to put her seatbelt
Children should never run with scissors, and lesbians should never scissor with the runs.
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.
I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.
I have fun goin on dem roller coasters that go really high up and sittin by random people and once we get to the high point I look at the stranger and go wham and unplug they seat bealt
how to make a baby make funny faces Put it feet first in a blender
When the school shooter leaves your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
