I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
I like my women like I like my traction control: disabled.
I gave a gun to a blind person and told them it was a hair dryer.
"Water exists."
Airport security: "What the fuck did you just say?"
True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe.
(Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers; each person spins it and tries not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not. You point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger.)
Hey, I just found out my toaster is waterproof! :D
Why is it bad to climb a tree?
You might fall on an orphan! 🫥
You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
True fact: School shooters aren’t dangerous to you if you're the school shooter.
I gave a blind person a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
What is the first thing you should always take care of first after a car crash?
The witnesses.
What do you call a criminal?
Disarmed and dangerous.
When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"
Me: "Oh hell nah"
Why are school shootings branded “very American”?
1. They usually happen in the USA.
2. They’re like the Fourth of July: there’s a lot of loud banging and kids screaming.
Why do I love a block? Because I can fall off the stairs.
A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!
Person: "Sorry to bother you, but what's the quickest way to get to the hospital?"
Stranger: "Oh, just go stand in the middle of the road!"
If I saw a homosexual or transsexual man do so much as TOUCH my child, he would be dead, zombified, and castrated by the end of the day.
Protect your young'uns from these degenerate freaks and live off the grid so they have no bearing on your life.
How do you avoid getting raped? Just don't say no!
