Routine jokes
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his ass.
The first ever joke:
https://worstjokesever.com/jokes/52b8feb0514efb2cbf8ca375/what-is-the-second-hardest-thing-in-the-morning?
Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.
Doc: What's wrong with that?
Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.
Yo mama's so fat, I run around her for exercise.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
Habit.
Why do orphans not care about sleep? Because they have no one to wake up to.
What goes in hard and comes out soft? A toothbrush.
The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."
The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."
Why do girls rub their eyes after they wake up in the morning? because they don't have balls to scratch.
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
You’re the type of person who would pee before a shower.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
Why didn’t the autistic boy like Minecraft?
There was a new texture pack.
Millions of people are doing the exact same thing as you are right now.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?
He wiped.
Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.
One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.
Amber Heard's Morning Routine
Wake Up. Eat Breakfast. Take a Shit. Get Out of Bed.
