Why didn’t the autistic boy like Minecraft?
There was a new texture pack.
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
I asked Daveon if he ever considered trying something new, and he replied "why fix what ain't broke?"
Not a joke, but here's a good workout, I guess:
Sit-ups: 50
Push-ups: 40
Squats: 30
Do 5 sets.
Millions of people are doing the exact same thing as you are right now.
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
Spongebob and Jacko have one thing in common.
They both routinely place meat in small buns.
The first ever joke:
https://worstjokesever.com/jokes/52b8feb0514efb2cbf8ca375/what-is-the-second-hardest-thing-in-the-morning?
My fish can break dance. Only for 20 seconds and only once.
Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.
Doc: What's wrong with that?
Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.
What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?
Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.
What should orphans do when their parents aren’t there? The usual.
Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!
1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.
You know if you poo on the toilet at 11:59 PM...
Then at 12:01 AM, it's just the same shit, different day...
Amber Heard's Morning Routine
Wake Up. Eat Breakfast. Take a Shit. Get Out of Bed.
What goes in hard and comes out soft? A toothbrush.
You know why morning food digests so quickly.
Because it breaks fast.
You’re the type of person who would pee before a shower.
The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."
The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."
