Rest jokes
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Michael Jackson was the King of Pop until he got burned by Pepsi. Now, Pepsi is the hero, and now, we know the rest of the story.
Where do mathematicians go to die?
The symmetry.
I was at school with friends. One of my friends had hair in her armpits. The rest of my friends and I tried not to laugh or say anything, until one of my friends laughed and told her she had hair in her armpits, so she ran to her locker to get hair remover and went to one of the restroom stalls.
What is a good night? Sleep tight, I have four.
Your mama is so stupid she stayed up all night so she can get some sleep.
What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
How do you get a hippie chick pregnant?
You cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.
There are 5 cows in a field. One of them is the mom, the rest are kids. One of the kids walked up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Daisy?" and then a daisy fell on her head.
The second cow came up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Rose?" and then a rose fell on her head. Then the 3rd cow said, "Why am I named Violet?" then a violet fell on her head. Then the 4th cow walked up and said, "Merrrbere." Then the mom said, "Shutup, cinder block!"
Q. What do you say when your friend has an abortion?
A. May your baby rest in pieces.
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Why is the day you do laundry, cook, clean, iron, and so on called a day off?
When Trump goes to the beach, he doesn't use suntan lotion. He uses Dorito dust, and it stays on for the rest of his life.
Fork pierces the flesh. Guided by hunger's demand, Savoury feast waits.
Tines dig deep within, Seeking the sustenance craved, A mealtime delight.
Belly grumbles loud, Yearning for nourishment's touch, Fork answers the call.
Food on the platter, Fork dances with anticipation, To satiate hunger's plea.
Digestion begins, Fork's journey now complete, Nourishing the soul.
Why does the fork go? To bring joy to empty hearts, Satiating needs.
In the stomach's depths, Fork finds purpose and solace, A culinary bond.
With each mealtime tale, The fork carves memories deep, In stomachs it rests.
I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!
Voting is like doing a group project in school.
I did my part, but I’m worried the rest of you are going to fuck this up.
What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?
They fight and... You know the rest.
I love going to sleep at night.