Peace Jokes

Anonymous
in Puns

little johnny was siting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life and ask him " little johnny how do you want your wife to be like" and he answered " like the moon" and the teacher said " that’s such a beautiful answer because it calm and peaceful " and little johnny said " no because it appears at night and disappears in the morning"

leave a like for more!

Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.” “Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”

8
Anonymous

So a kid walks in the house and says: " mommy, mommy, I found daddy". And the mother says: " stop digging around in the garden, and let you Father rest in peace.

0
Harley

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.

B
in Depression

Me having a good day Going on a walk on a peaceful day* my depression: hey whats up! Me: go away. My depression: well how rude. Me: 🙄. My depression: remeber that one tim… Me: no, dont even. My depression: that we… Me: nope. My deprssion: says really fast:said that one stupid joke that wasnt funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilt water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like yoy do every single night. Me: 😳😶😟. My depression: 😉 dont worry I’ll always be here for you.

Madison R.

Doctor: Madam, Your Husband Needs Rest And Peace So Here Are Some Sleeping Pills.

Wife: Doctor, When Should I Give Them To Him?

Doctor: They Are For You.!!

Anonymous

I want to die peacefully like my uncle but I don’t own a car or have a garage.

Doctor: you’ll be at peace soon, sir. Me: what am I dying? Doctor: no your wife is.

Squid

Rust in peace

Natasha y
in Offensive

When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did., not screaming and shouting ike his passengers.

Anonymous
in Puns

What do you tell a dead metal fan? Rust in peace

kristan davies

A slag is like the first peace of bread in a loaf everyone touches it but no body wants it.

0

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

Anonymous
in Eternity

You call it death. I call it peace and quiet

So a husband and a wife have three kids. the husband is on his death bed and he looks up at his wife and says. “Honey, is our youngest song truly and honestly mine?” She says in response. “I sware on everything that is good and holy our youngest son is your” He dies peacefully.

Then she says under her breathe, “I’m glad he didn’t ask about the first two.”

Gwen
in Puns

Q: Gaining wait is gonna peace of cake.

Anonymous

do you know why the cake doesn’t ever fight anyone?

he says “take a peace of that!” while entering a fight.

That guy

The p in Africa stands for peace

Anonymous

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like all the passengers on the plane he was flying.

49Iam

Rape the only sign of world peace in this life.