one day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, “No, shes upstairs with Uncle john” “Uncle john? i don’t know an Uncle John.” “no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy” “no i’m sure there’s no one named Uncle John in our family.” “Okay, but why did you call?” Says Sally. “Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy’s pulling into the driveway right now.” “Okay daddy!”

long pause

"Okay daddy! I did it!’ “Great job Sally! What did she says?”

“Mommy said OH FU… and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like… then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter…”

then dad replies “Swimming pool? we dont have a…is this 468-1843?”

If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.

The rest of them will write Perl programs.

(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes)

  1. What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick

  2. I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort.

  3. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.

4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.

  1. Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.

  2. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

  3. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

  4. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you? “Cmon, did ya really think I’d resist a-rest?”

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued your blood was delectable and so was the rest of you.

When Trump goes to the beach he doesn’t use suntan lotion he uses Dorito dust. And it stays on for the rest of his life.

Give Kobe a plane ticket, he’ll fly for the trip, but give Kobe a helicopter and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

I’M GOING TO HELL FOR THIS!!!

If 4 birds are sitting on a fence and one gets shot how many are there still on the fence

None the rest fly away

My sis came up to me and said " mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year " “so uhh you free tomorow?” 😂

Did you ever received a anonymous blowjob from another male under the handicapped stall inside the public men’s restroom at a rest area and did you have a orgasm and was it the best orgasm that you ever had?

I almost got run over by a car For the rest of the day I was Taking the backseat as I was wheely Tried

What time is it when you walk home from school? Time to rest

why take a nap on the toilet because it’s a rest-room

The undertakers famous saying is “Rest In Peace” to all of his opponents but really they don’t rest in peace the only peace they get is the from God

What happens when you throw an underaged boy between two catholic priests? They fight and… You know the rest.

A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

After the trial, the brother went to the redneck’s house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.

The red neck replied that it wasn’t easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and, wanted to let him go.

If a kid refused to go to bed, dus that make them gilty of risisting a rest

A FED EX plane was carrying 375 fridges across Africa but the cargo door wasn’t shut properly but only 218 reached the desired destination. The rest landed in a remote village. How many fell out the plane?

Time’s up! You took too long you only had 4 seconds to answer it.

How do you put an elephant into the fridge that pushed out the cargo door?

Open the fridge, put the elephant in and close the door.

How do you put a giraffe into the fridge?

Open the fridge, take out the elephant. Then put in the giraffe and close the door.

Why did sally fall off the swing?

Because she got hit by the other 156 refrigerators.

How did she survive?

Her idiot mother tried to pull her out and accidentally ripped both her arms off. But she was rescued 8 minutes later.

stephen hawking rest in pc world

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued your flesh was delectable & so was the rest of you.

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