Remembering jokes

I will always remember my dad's last words....

"15 dollars and I'll jump."

I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed, but I remembered you were adopted...

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

What’s the best way to get people to remember your birthday? Kill yourself.

I remember waving at this guy in the street. The a**hole didn't wave back... Come to think of it, he was also swinging around a weird stick.

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.

Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!

Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*

Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.

I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...

Allahu Akbar!

When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.

I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.

I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.

Life lesson guys:

Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.

My doctor told me I had Alzheimer’s.

I said to him, “I don’t remember asking.”

I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"

Quote for the day.

I looked this quote up, but it really is a good thing, just for starters.

"Sometimes you will never know the VALUE of a moment until it becomes a MEMORY."

Also, loving is so much more to give instead! Always remember to love!!! Best-Gwen :)

So I was digging in the garden and I found some treasure. I was gonna tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging in the garden.

"My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, "Knock knock." We’d say, "Who’s there?" Then she’d say, "I can’t remember"... and start to cry."

I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me.

"Let go of my nose!"