Remembering

Remembering jokes

Super glue

    • My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.

    Woman

    • Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.

    Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.

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    • Memory

    • An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"

    The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."

    The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"

    The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"

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    • Remembering memes

    Sentence

    • Fritzchen was supposed to remember three sentences. He asks his mother, "Mom, do you have any news?" The mother replies angrily, "Stop it!"

    Fritzchen goes to see his father, who is watching a football match. When a goal is scored, he shouts, "That's it!"

    Finally, he asks his sister, "Sister, do you have anything to say?" She is currently reading a story about a fool and says, "He is the dumbest person in the world!"

    The next day at school, the teacher asks, "Fritzchen, did you learn the phrases?" Fritzchen replies, "Stop it!" The teacher is shocked: "Fritzchen! Don't say that to me. Go to the principal immediately!" Fritzchen shouts, "That's it!" Arriving at the principal's office, he asks, "Who do you think I am?" Fritzchen promptly replies, "He's the dumbest person in the world!"

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    • Teacher

    • I remember having a crush on my math teacher, so I winked at her and said, "Don't worry, babe, I'll call you later."

    Ladder

    • I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"

    Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.

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    • Blood Type

    • My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

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    • Auntie

    • I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"

    (gun shot)

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    • Eye

    • Jon and Amanpreet were in a mental institution. This place had an annual contest picking two of the best patients and gives them two questions. If they got them correct, they’re deemed cured and free to go.

    Jon was called into the doctor’s office first and asked if he understood that he’d be free if he answered the questions correctly. The doctor said, “Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?” Jon said, “I’d be half blind.” “That’s correct. What if I poked out both eyes?” “I’d be completely blind.” The doctor stood up, shook Jon’s hand, and told him he was free.

    On Jon’s way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Jon mentioned the exam to Amanpreet. He told him what questions were going to be asked and gave him the answers. So Amanpreet came in. The doctor went thru the formalities and asked, “What would happen if I cut off one ear?” Amanpreet, remembering what Jon had said was the correct answer said, “I’d be half blind.” The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on. “What if I cut off the other ear?” “I’d be completely blind,” Amanpreet answered. “Amanpreet, can you explain how you’d be *blind*?” “My hat would fall down over my eyes.”

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    • Tour Guide

    • As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe tour guide wasn't the right career choice for me...

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