Remembering Jokes

Anonymous
in Marriage

Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

John Doe
in Puns

I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

0
The demon

When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.

Anonymous

i remember my grandfathers last words: “is that loaded?”

Anonymous

Knock Knock! Who’s their? It’s Dave! Dave Who? *Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

The broken joker

What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.

PScantron

I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad but I only remember the punch line.

Anonymous
in Puns

I have a fear of speed bumps

But i am slowly getting over it

0
Scott
in Wife

**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?

Penal_Infection9000

Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?

Because it flew over their heads.

Anonymous
in Dark Humor

My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.

Crackpot69

Wen you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.

Person

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

Anonymous
in Roast

roses are red. Violets are blue. When i taking out trash i remember you

Bradthetad
in Darkness

I’ll always remember my dads last words… Why do you have an axe we live in the city

Anonymous
in Animal

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. – I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

5
demiurge

Remember, kids: the school shooter can’t get you if YOU are the shooter.

School Shooter Memes

When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die but he remembers the time you gave him a pen. 🖌

Tenzin da fadafingling
in Puns

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

2
Sarai Castle

You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.

It starts with “M” and ends with “arriage”

If you guessed “Marriage” your stupid. It’s miscarriage and don’t forget it. The joke never get’s old to him. Just like the baby.