Remembering jokes

Young man: "Very good money, and how about the name of the stupid young man again?"

Friend: "Dagobert Duck."

Young man: "Ah, I remember. He was the American useless."

Friend: "Ah, you mean Donald Trump?"

Young man: "Yes, just like that! I know exactly how the guy managed to become president. Hahaha!!!"

We hired this boy to pick up dog poop. We just remembered that we don't have a dog.

I remember you. You used to be an ash.

I would love to roast you more, but my mom said to not burn trash.

Remember kids, if you're in a big problem, yell SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEËEEEEEEEEĒEEEEĘEEEEEEEEESH!

I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.

So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”

My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.

There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.

Remember the big forehead kid who said, "Give me a knife, I'm going to kill myself" because of being bullied?

His head was too big to even exist, and that's why he's dead.

I’ll always remember my father’s last words: “I’m gonna sleep for a little.”

As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe tour guide wasn't the right career choice for me...

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

Once a naked woman robs a bank, but sadly, no one can remember her face...

Remember kids, if ever you're bored, kick an orphan.

Who are they going to tell? Their parents?

GIVEAWAAAAAAY!!!

Okay, 19 dollar Fortnite card. Who wants it? And yes, I’m giving it away. Remember: Share, share, share! And trolls: Don’t get BLOCKED!

Just remembering the day when the Jets beat the New York Giants.

Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.

I remember my mom's last words before her divorce, "Did you just load in me?"

I remember having a crush on my math teacher, so I winked at her and said, "Don't worry, babe, I'll call you later."

If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.