Remembering jokes

So I was sitting on my couch, watching this homophobic TV show all about "straight and great". But then I remember, "Aren't I part of the LGBTQ?"

So I say, "Oh my God, let's throw it out the window because that would be a good idea!" But then it gets run over by 123,456,789 cars. It gave me a $150,000 fine. Guess I'm broke.

When you're asked to tell a crazy story, but the first thing that comes up to your mind is a suicide attempt:

"Oh, I don't remember anything in particular. 😅😀"

I told my Mum, "Will you remember me in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 years?"

She said, "Yes."

"Knock knock."

I said, "My mum, who's there? You didn’t remember me!"

Don't you hate when you have sex with your teacher, then remember you're home schooled?

When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.

I will always remember my dad's last words...

Oh wait, I've never heard them.

I hope I'm not a big pain, but Jordan C, please stop bothering me about my age! I know I am 8 years old, but enough.

Then you make jokes about how smart I am and intimidate me because of my name. I don't remember intimidating you for anything. So please, with all due respect, stop.

PS It's not for drama, it's because you're bullying me for nothing. I come here just to joke or be nice to people, not for the drama. So please again. Stop. That is all I ask.

Thank you.

How can a guy do stand up comedy in a wheelchair?

I remember I met an orphan. He asked, "Can I suck your thumb?" I said, "Why?" Because "that'd be pig."

I was digging outside and I found my child's old toy, so I ran to find him, but I could not find him, so I was searching for about 6 hours, but then I remembered why I was digging......

I was digging and found some gold. I was going to tell my mom, then I remembered why I was digging.

Young man: "Very good money, and how about the name of the stupid young man again?"

Friend: "Dagobert Duck."

Young man: "Ah, I remember. He was the American useless."

Friend: "Ah, you mean Donald Trump?"

Young man: "Yes, just like that! I know exactly how the guy managed to become president. Hahaha!!!"

I will remember my brother's last words: if you can't put a fork in a toaster, how about a spoon?

So you know "The Lion King."

Do you remember Simba?

Well, his dad is really strong, and he walks really fast, but Simba walks really slow.

So I told him to Mufasa.

Bob: Hey bud, remember we're going to space!

Carol: Really? I forgot to planet.

Bf: Babe, do you love me?

Gf: Of course, why do you ask?

Bf: I heard that your mom passed away, and I went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up, and then I remembered why I went to the garden.

Your hairline go so far back it remember the Civil War, ugly ahh.

In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.

Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."

If your controller ever dies, remember those people that died on the submersible.

I went to ask my friend's mom if I could have a sleepover.

Then I remembered they did not have a mom or dad.