What is a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child’s body.
Religion Jokes
This guy is boiling water. The girl walks in and says, “What are you doing?” The guy says, “I’m making Holy Water.” She said, “How?” He said, “I’m boiling the hell out of it.”
Pope Francis: "What is the hardest thing about nailing a young boy to a cross?"
"My penis."
Ever heard of a reverse exorcism? It’s when the Devil tells the priest to exit the child’s body.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
You dress her up as an altar boy.
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
Angel: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
Satan: Could you like FUCK OFF FOR ONE MINUTE?
What did God say when he made Jake Paul?
"Oops, I made a mistake."
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.
When you get a pop-up book of the Qur'an and it just explodes as soon as you turn the page XD.
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
A guy walks into a mosque... then blows up.
How does Jesus whistle? Through the hole in his hand.
Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?
Priest: Why?
Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.
I moved all the Bibles to the fiction section because there is no God, as said Stephen Hawking in 2011, but in 2018, God said there was no Stephen Hawking.
How do we know Stephen is dying in hell?
There’s a stairway to heaven.
One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"
I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.
What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?
With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.
