Religion jokes
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell, not heaven? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.
God sent gays to fix overpopulation. Until they ended same-sex marriage.
It's important to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???
What do an Olympic silver medalist and a Catholic priest have in common?
A: They both come in a little behind.
What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"
Who killed Hitler goes to Heaven.
*looks up*
Oh, never mind.
Why do orphans go to church so much?
So they can have someone to call father.
How do you kill a little boy?
You throw him between two Catholic priests.
I apologise for this joke lmfaooo, and you have probably heard this banger before, anyways;
What is the difference between a priest and a zit? 👀 The zit waits till you are 13 to come on your face 🤧
Why doesn’t Jesus trust humanity anymore?
Because he doesn’t wanna get double-crossed.
How does a priest purify water?
Boil the hell out of it!
What does Jesus have in common with Pinocchio?
They believe their own lies.
What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?
With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.
What do 3-year-old boys say after going to confession?
"My bum hurts!"
Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.
A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
Have you heard about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.
Roses are red, the Jews are a cult.
I've practiced Metzitzah b'peh on adults.
What’s the difference between a Black man and a Jew?
One was born burnt.