Religion jokes

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"

Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"

Why are short people so angry?? Cause they're closer to hell.

One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.

Roses are red, the Jews are a cult.

I've practiced Metzitzah b'peh on adults.

Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?

She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.

What’s the difference between a Black man and a Jew?

One was born burnt.

A gay couple walks into a Muslim bar. The tender flares up and says, “let me guess, a little blood on the rocks?”

Have you heard about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

Why did God create yeast infections?

So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.

A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a beer.

Same person.

When Mother Teresa went to heaven, she was greeted by Saint Peter with a halo for her dedication to the needy. After walking around for a while, she saw Lady Diana with a bigger halo. She got angry at Lady Diana and went to Saint Peter and asked him why she had a bigger one, and Saint Peter said, "Oh, that’s not a halo, that’s a steering wheel."

How do you kill a little boy?

You throw him between two Catholic priests.

Do you know why Jesus is so popular with the ladies??

Haven't you ever seen pictures of the guy? He was hung like this... 🤚--------🤪----------✋

Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture?

A: One uses one nail to hang.

What’s the difference between Jesus and Maddie McCann?

One had the last supper.

Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.

The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"

What is a reverse exorcism?

It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child’s body.

This guy is boiling water. The girl walks in and says, “What are you doing?” The guy says, “I’m making Holy Water.” She said, “How?” He said, “I’m boiling the hell out of it.”

Pope Francis: "What is the hardest thing about nailing a young boy to a cross?"

"My penis."

Ever heard of a reverse exorcism? It’s when the Devil tells the priest to exit the child’s body.