Religion jokes
I thought God didn't make mistakes, but then I saw your face.
Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."
I bought myself the life-sized Jesus painting off of Amazon, and they had 4 nails within the pack. All I needed was 1.
God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"
Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?
On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!
My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.
Why is Jesus in pieces?
Because a one man band is Nine Inch Nails.
What's a reversed exorcism?
It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he had someone to call Father.
You get on an elevator and you find the Pope and Donald Trump cowering from two snarling wolves. In your hand you find a revolver with only two bullets in it... what do you do?
You shoot the Pope and the Donald each in a leg and exit the elevator at the next stop.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So they had someone to call Father.
My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.
"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.
What do you get when you throw holy water on a cow?
A holy cow!
Why do orphans pray to God?
So they have someone to call father.
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
[God creating a jellyfish]
God: How about an evil bag?
A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."
There are Three Sons: Journey, Korean, and Little Joe. They were trapped on a floating island, and a priest gave them each one wish.
The first son wished to go back to the ground. The Second Son wished to go back to the ground. The third son was lonely and wished for his two brothers to come back to the floating island.
😫 😂 😑 🤔 😳 😬 😑 🙄
🥴 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺
🍸🍸 🍸🍸 🍸🍸 🍸 🍸 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴
🐴 🐴 🐴 🐴
Why did the pope drink horse piss? Because a priest asked him what would he do for a Klondike bar? 🤪 😜