Religion jokes
Why does a penis taste like octopus 🐙?
Stupid question 😒 🙄 even the catholic church ⛪ 🙏 knows that one.
What’s the difference between you and Jesus? We know who Jesus’s dad was.
Yo, your hairline so messed up God said your hairline on the cross getting hit on that cross.
Did you fall from Heaven? Because so did Satan.
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
Why do people think Jesus is going to come back? He wasn’t nailed to a fucking boomerang!
Who's better, Hitler or Jesus?
Hitler: Jesus made bread for 1000 whereas Hitler made meat for 10,000. 😅😅😅😅 (no offense)
(To circumcised people)
Question: Why did Donald Trump convert to Judaism?
Answer: Because he heard that Vladimir Putin likes to drink vodka with "Orange Jews"!
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?
They don't want to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
Crucifixion was the first T-pose.
If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work, not aware that her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "That's my dad outside." Man: "How much did you say the baseball was again?" Boy: "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball glove." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad." Man: "How much did you say the glove was again?" Boy: "$750." Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!" The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "$1,000." The father says, "It's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Do not start that shit again!"
What do you call a Muslim with Tourette’s? A ticcing time bomb.
What's the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The face you make when you nail them.
Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?
I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.
It took Jesus 3 days to respond.
Worst lag ever!
I thought God didn't make mistakes, but then I saw your face.
What's Christian and holey?
JFK.
What did the cop say to the muslim breaking the law?
"That's against th-Allah (read like da-law)."
What's the difference between a drill and a priest?
Nothing, they both like screwing stuff!