Religion jokes
Did you know an orphan is deeply religious because they can finally call someone "father."
What do priests and McDonald's have in common? They both like putting their meat in between 5-year-old buns.
I wanted to open a brothel in the monastery, but the slogan: "Fist some Christs" was, unfortunately, not so well received.
Ctrl, Alt, Deletus, because of thine fetus.
My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So they had someone to call Father.
God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"
What's a reversed exorcism?
It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.
My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.
Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?
On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!
What do you get when you throw holy water on a cow?
A holy cow!
Why do orphans pray to God?
So they have someone to call father.
You get on an elevator and you find the Pope and Donald Trump cowering from two snarling wolves. In your hand you find a revolver with only two bullets in it... what do you do?
You shoot the Pope and the Donald each in a leg and exit the elevator at the next stop.
"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.
Why doesn't Jesus participate in Battle Raps?
All his comebacks take three days.
There are Three Sons: Journey, Korean, and Little Joe. They were trapped on a floating island, and a priest gave them each one wish.
The first son wished to go back to the ground. The Second Son wished to go back to the ground. The third son was lonely and wished for his two brothers to come back to the floating island.
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Why did the pope drink horse piss? Because a priest asked him what would he do for a Klondike bar? 🤪 😜
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell, not heaven? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.
God sent gays to fix overpopulation. Until they ended same-sex marriage.
Why do orphans go to church so much?
So they can have someone to call father.