Religion jokes
A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"
Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"
Satan and the devil are alter egos.
They say we will have eternal life when Jesus is no longer coming.
Why are short people so angry?? Cause they're closer to hell.
Roses are red, the Jews are a cult.
I've practiced Metzitzah b'peh on adults.
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
When Mother Teresa went to heaven, she was greeted by Saint Peter with a halo for her dedication to the needy. After walking around for a while, she saw Lady Diana with a bigger halo. She got angry at Lady Diana and went to Saint Peter and asked him why she had a bigger one, and Saint Peter said, "Oh, that’s not a halo, that’s a steering wheel."
Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture?
A: One uses one nail to hang.
Do you know why Jesus is so popular with the ladies??
Haven't you ever seen pictures of the guy? He was hung like this... 🤚--------🤪----------✋
What’s the difference between Jesus and Maddie McCann?
One had the last supper.
Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.
The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"
This guy is boiling water. The girl walks in and says, “What are you doing?” The guy says, “I’m making Holy Water.” She said, “How?” He said, “I’m boiling the hell out of it.”
What is a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child’s body.
Pope Francis: "What is the hardest thing about nailing a young boy to a cross?"
"My penis."
A Muslim enters a building...
Along with 500 passengers and an airplane.
Ever heard of a reverse exorcism? It’s when the Devil tells the priest to exit the child’s body.
Angel: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
Satan: Could you like FUCK OFF FOR ONE MINUTE?
Q. What do you call a Muslim basketball player?
A. Osama Bin Ballin'.
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
You dress her up as an altar boy.