Religion jokes
What’s the difference between a Black man and a Jew?
One was born burnt.
When Mother Teresa went to heaven, she was greeted by Saint Peter with a halo for her dedication to the needy. After walking around for a while, she saw Lady Diana with a bigger halo. She got angry at Lady Diana and went to Saint Peter and asked him why she had a bigger one, and Saint Peter said, "Oh, that’s not a halo, that’s a steering wheel."
How do you kill a little boy?
You throw him between two Catholic priests.
Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture?
A: One uses one nail to hang.
Do you know why Jesus is so popular with the ladies??
Haven't you ever seen pictures of the guy? He was hung like this... 🤚--------🤪----------✋
What’s the difference between Jesus and Maddie McCann?
One had the last supper.
Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.
The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"
What is a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child’s body.
This guy is boiling water. The girl walks in and says, “What are you doing?” The guy says, “I’m making Holy Water.” She said, “How?” He said, “I’m boiling the hell out of it.”
Pope Francis: "What is the hardest thing about nailing a young boy to a cross?"
"My penis."
Ever heard of a reverse exorcism? It’s when the Devil tells the priest to exit the child’s body.
Q. What do you call a Muslim basketball player?
A. Osama Bin Ballin'.
Angel: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
Satan: Could you like FUCK OFF FOR ONE MINUTE?
How do you get a nun pregnant?
You dress her up as an altar boy.
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
What did God say when he made Jake Paul?
"Oops, I made a mistake."
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
A Muslim enters a building...
Along with 500 passengers and an airplane.
Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?
Priest: Why?
Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.