Religion jokes

What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?

One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.

What kind of jeans do you wear to church?

Holy jeans!

Like if you love God and Jesus.

Why don't the Amish water ski?

The horses would drown.

A Muslim enters a building...

Along with 500 passengers and an airplane.

Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?

Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.

A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.

A man goes into Heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa’s clock, it has never moved because she has never lied."

"There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice."

"Where is Donald Trump’s?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."

What's the difference between Jesus and a dead, naked baby?

I don't worship Jesus.

Man: I must confess, Father.

Priest: What are you here to confess?

Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.

Priest: And what happened to your son?

Man: He said a man raped him.

Priest: When and where did this happen?

Man: A local church. I don't know which one.

Priest: ...By whom?

Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.

Priest: ...Shit

Why don't Amish people water ski?

Because their horses would drown.

Men and women are not equal, speaking biologically and mentally. I don't care what other feminists say. Men are naturally physically stronger, while women are more mentally stable (sometimes). The internet and the media will lie. You feminists say that you are stronger. Well, you wish. You can't hit a girl because she is more sensitive, but she says she is stronger. Like, what the hell?

We're not sexist men; you're sexist women. And BTW, you'll rot in hell for hating God's creation. And also, men were created before women. Search it up in the Bible or online.

What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.

Q. What do you call a Muslim basketball player?

A. Osama Bin Ballin'.

I told her roses are red, violets are blue. God made me pretty, what the hell happened to you! MF😅🤣😂

You'd think the Catholic Church would be in favor of condoms... less DNA evidence.

Did Jesus die a virgin? No, he got nailed before he died.

Why did Steven Hawking go to hell, not heaven?

Because there is a stairway to heaven, but there is not one to hell.

What’s a Muslim’s favorite car?

A Citroën C4.

[God creating sharks]

God: Ok give them 3 rows of teeth.

Angel: Seems excessive but ok.

God: And make them mean as hell.

Angel: WTF y.

God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO.

Angel:...

God: And make one of the types have a hammer for a head.

Angel: Why do I still work for you?

God: Because I’m the only employer as of right now.