The priest had a very holy shirt.
What did the priest say during the christening?
"So anyway, I started blasting!"
What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?
When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.
What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.
Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!
What is Jesus' favorite gun?
A nail gun.
So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."
Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."
You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.
Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA
What's the difference between a surgeon and God?
God knows he's not a surgeon.
Where does a Muslim like to go and eat?
Allah's snackbar!
So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.
The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.
A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.
He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"
When a Muslim dies he gets 72 virgins. It's the same thing with priests except the virgins are children.
Do you know how many women have been pope?
Nun
A man sacrificed children who played Roblox, so when someone knocked on the door, they said, "An administrator has banned you from heaven!"
How does Moses make his tea? He Brews!!!
What did the terrorist say to the 72 virgins?
"Just so you know, 5 inches is REALLY big!"
I recently learned that churches won’t let trans men become priests because they don’t consider transMEN as men which is rather confusing to me. As a Jew I don’t know very much about Christianity but from what I’ve heard- don’t priests love little boys?
Why are Demons dying from Priestwater? The soul from a Priest is completely different.
Man: how tall is a penguin?
Bartender: about three foot why?
Man: o shit the Bible bashing nuns I fucking hit one
Poor car
