Religion jokes
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One kneels to pray, one kneels to pay.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
What kind of jeans do you wear to church?
Holy jeans!
Like if you love God and Jesus.
Memes
Why don't the Amish water ski?
The horses would drown.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
A Muslim enters a building...
Along with 500 passengers and an airplane.
A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.
A man goes into Heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa’s clock, it has never moved because she has never lied."
"There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice."
"Where is Donald Trump’s?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
What's the difference between Jesus and a dead, naked baby?
I don't worship Jesus.
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
Why don't Amish people water ski?
Because their horses would drown.
I told her roses are red, violets are blue. God made me pretty, what the hell happened to you! MF😅🤣😂
Did Jesus die a virgin? No, he got nailed before he died.
Q. What do you call a Muslim basketball player?
A. Osama Bin Ballin'.
You'd think the Catholic Church would be in favor of condoms... less DNA evidence.
Why did Steven Hawking go to hell, not heaven?
Because there is a stairway to heaven, but there is not one to hell.
What’s a Muslim’s favorite car?
A Citroën C4.
What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.