Religion Jokes

A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said, "I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we're there, I'd also like to take our relationship to the next level." "I'm there," the boy replied.

The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked, "Do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?" The boy replied, "I plan on getting busy all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her till I'm black and blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing," said the pharmacist.

That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. The girl's father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, "You never told me that you were so religious." The boy replied, "You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist."

Did you hear about the gay choirboy?

He choked on his first hymn.

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Heaven.

Heaven who?

Heaven fun over there?

What is an Italian massage?

An Italian Catholic priest giving a blowjob inside the confessional booth during Lent.

A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

Heyo, my children, hope you haven't forgotten about our cult!

God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"

A little riddle...

Trump has it short, Kennedy has it long, the Pope has it but he doesn't use it, what is it?

...

Obviously the Surname, what are you thinking about you pervert?

My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.

Why did the orphan go to church?

So they had someone to call Father.

Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?

On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!

Did you know an orphan is deeply religious because they can finally call someone "father."

What do priests and McDonald's have in common? They both like putting their meat in between 5-year-old buns.

Looking out for becoming a pilot, can y'all suggest some good mosques?

Don't want to learn the landing part, though, Allah said it's unnecessary.

I thought God didn't make mistakes, but then I saw your face.

Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."

Really gotta love all the morons who, instead of sharing irreverent dark jokes, say the stupidest shit pertaining to Christianism.

Why is Jesus in pieces?

Because a one man band is Nine Inch Nails.

I bought myself the life-sized Jesus painting off of Amazon, and they had 4 nails within the pack. All I needed was 1.

I wanted to open a brothel in the monastery, but the slogan: "Fist some Christs" was, unfortunately, not so well received.