Religion jokes
Three guys are walking in a bar. A priest, a paedophile, and a rapist. That was just the first guy.
How do angels 😇 make holy water 💧?
They boil the hell out of it.
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
Why can't Jesus judge gay people?
He got nailed right before he died.
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
Who's better, Hitler or Jesus?
Hitler: Jesus made bread for 1000 whereas Hitler made meat for 10,000. 😅😅😅😅 (no offense)
(To circumcised people)
What's the difference between the righteous and a sinner?
You decide.
Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
What's black and white and hard as nails? A nun on speed!
I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.
What do you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?
I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.
What’s the difference between a priest and target?
Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.
What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
God: Who ever kills Hitler will go to heaven.
Hitler: 👌👌👌👌
God: 😩😩😩😩
What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?
They both erupt when triggered.