Religion jokes
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he could call someone Father.
"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."
- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*
My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.
In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
A guy asks his priest friend what he wants to eat, and the priest says "bad boys." Then his friend asks, "What kebab do you want?" and the priest says, "B Bricked up Caucasian or Asian will do."
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
What do you call a Christian Asian?
Hao Li.
Jesus was drinking when he made you.
They all call it self-baptism. I call it failed suicide.
Why do you think after death the angel says do not be afraid?
Search up biblically accurate angels.
Is that a person over there?
Na, it's Jesus.
Is that my student?
Na! It is Jesus!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Jesus.
Jesus who?
Jesus Christ, open the door!
"Thank God there are no of these ahahha ya thank God to pranks."
"Oh I forgot a dance 🕺 😅 joke is good ok for kids."
What did the priest say during the christening?
"So anyway, I started blasting!"
In Denver, the members of a Sunday-school class were asked to set down their favorite biblical truths.
One youngster laboriously printed: “Do one to others as others do one to you.” —Lee Olson, The Denver Post
Why did Jesus create the Devil?
He didn't recognize himself through the time portal.
Jesus lives on a long timeline, so he may seem slow to you.
Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!
Yo mama so old.
Her first Christmas... was the first Christmas!
What do Jesus and I have in common?
No one knows my real bday either.