Religion jokes
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he could call someone Father.
A guy asks his priest friend what he wants to eat, and the priest says "bad boys." Then his friend asks, "What kebab do you want?" and the priest says, "B Bricked up Caucasian or Asian will do."
You are so ugly, when the devil saw you, he said, "Jesus Christ!"
Yo mama so fat, she fell off the judgement room and broke the 7 layers of hell.
"A llahu Aks into a bar..."
And it blows up!
What did God say when he made the first woman?
"Where is your dick at?"
For centuries the Catholic Church censored everything that wouldn‘t fit with their teachings. You know what I call that?
"Chancel culture!"
What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
A normal exorcism is getting a demon out of a person, but a reverse exorcism is the devil telling the priest to get out of the child.
What do you call a Mexican fighting a Catholic priest?
Alien vs. Predator.
They all call it self-baptism. I call it failed suicide.
Jesus was drinking when he made you.
What God do rats worship?
Cheesus.
I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.
I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion.
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."
- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*
My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.
In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
It's best not to say "Hail Satan" because he can't control the weather!
What do you call a nun on a bike?
Virgin Mobile.