Religion jokes
What do you call a stupid pig? A pious.
God loved you so much that He gave you one face and started clearing off a place for another.
It's best not to say "Hail Satan" because he can't control the weather!
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”
Jesus lives on a long timeline, so he may seem slow to you.
Why did Jesus create the Devil?
He didn't recognize himself through the time portal.
What is Jesus's favorite exercise? Cross fit.
You get on an elevator and you find the Pope and Donald Trump cowering from two snarling wolves. In your hand you find a revolver with only two bullets in it... what do you do?
You shoot the Pope and the Donald each in a leg and exit the elevator at the next stop.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, God made me pretty, WHAT THE FRICK HAPPENED TO YOU?
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.
Stephen Hawking said there is no god.
God said there is no Stephen Hawking.
What do you call a devil texting you? Travelers on the way. 😈🤣
Why did the orphan go to church?
So that they had someone to call father.
They all call it self-baptism. I call it failed suicide.
A guy asks his priest friend what he wants to eat, and the priest says "bad boys." Then his friend asks, "What kebab do you want?" and the priest says, "B Bricked up Caucasian or Asian will do."
God created everyone unique till he got to Asia, then it just went to copy paste, copy paste.
Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.
Did you hear about that Muslim party?
It was a blast!
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.