If Satan is the devil, he's pretty sus.
Religion Jokes
What's Christian and holey?
JFK.
What's the difference between Jesus and a holy whore?
Jesus got pegged against a cross.
Why is a priest different from acne?
Acne waits to come on your face.
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
Jesus will be history when I realize he's behind me.
What do Jesus and a painting have in common?
They hang by nails.
How did Jesus become self-sovereign?
He screws himself and becomes his own creator.
The only difference between you and Jesus is that Jesus believed in himself.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?
It only took one nail to hang the picture frame.
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
The Bible said, "Adam and Eve..." So I did both.
You would think catholic churches would be in favor of condoms: less DNA evidence.
Going to church, you don't think you are Christian.
Sleeping with ten men, you don't think you are straight.
Do you have a halo, cause I can give you one.
Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,
but died on the cross.
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.
Religion crashes them.
Roses are red, the Jews are a cult.
I've practiced Metzitzah b'peh on adults.
