What do you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.
And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”
But John came fifth, and he got a toaster.
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
God: Who ever kills Hitler will go to heaven.
Hitler: 👌👌👌👌
God: 😩😩😩😩
Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?
A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.
What’s the difference between a priest and target?
Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.
What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
What's a priest's favorite toy?
A mute little boy.
Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?
I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.
One day a man dies and goes to heaven. He gets there and sees a bunch of clocks. He asks Jesus, "Hey, what are the clocks for?" Jesus replies, "They move every time you sin." "This is Mother Teresa's, it has not moved so she has not sinned." "This one is Abraham Lincoln's, it has moved twice so he sinned twice." The man asks, "Where is Joe Biden's?" Jesus replies, "It's in my office-- I'm using it as a ceiling fan."
A man died and went to heaven. Here he met Jesus. There were two clocks. The man asked, "What's with the clocks?" Jesus answered, "This is Mother Theresa's clock. She has not lied, so the clock hasn't moved. This is Abraham Lincoln's clock; he's only lied twice, so it's moved twice." "Where's Donald Trump's?" the man asked. Jesus replied: "It's in my office. I'm using it as a ceiling fan."
What kind of sex do priests love?.
Nun.
You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.
We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.
What do dairy products praise? Cheeseus.
A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said, "I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we're there, I'd also like to take our relationship to the next level." "I'm there," the boy replied.
The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked, "Do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?" The boy replied, "I plan on getting busy all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her till I'm black and blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing," said the pharmacist.
That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. The girl's father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, "You never told me that you were so religious." The boy replied, "You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist."
Did you hear about the gay choirboy?
He choked on his first hymn.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Heaven.
Heaven who?
Heaven fun over there?
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A roamin' Catholic.
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?
Tell him that it is a confessional booth.
Yo mama so old, she was a waitress at the last supper.
