Religion jokes
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.
I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
What does a priest and a clown have in common?
They both make children cry.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a prostitute?
The look they give you while you’re nailing them.
And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”
But John came fifth, and he got a toaster.
What did the priest say to the skunk?
Let us spray.
What do you call a Muslim with Tourette’s? A ticcing time bomb.
What do priests and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.
How come I have a father but not a dad?
He was a priest.
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy.
How does Moses make his cup of tea?
He brews it.
What's a priest's favorite toy?
A mute little boy.
Why don't you see black people with Down syndrome?
Because God doesn't punish someone twice.
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
Jesus said to his disciples, "Go forth and ye shall receive eternal life." Thomas came fifth, however, so he only got a toaster.
What do you call an atheist bone? -- A blasfemur.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to come on your face.
Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.