Religion jokes
How do angels 😇 make holy water 💧?
They boil the hell out of it.
What’s a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.
Why can't Jesus judge gay people?
He got nailed right before he died.
What's the difference between the righteous and a sinner?
You decide.
Memes
Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.
Muslim child to his mother: "Mom, why is my backpack so heavy?"
Mom: "Allahu Akbar, my son, Allahu Akbar!"
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
What does a priest and a clown have in common?
They both make children cry.
What's black and white and hard as nails? A nun on speed!
I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.
What do you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.
What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?
They both erupt when triggered.
What's a priest's favorite toy?
A mute little boy.
What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
What’s the difference between a priest and target?
Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.
Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?
A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.
God: Who ever kills Hitler will go to heaven.
Hitler: 👌👌👌👌
God: 😩😩😩😩
And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”
But John came fifth, and he got a toaster.
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"