Religion jokes
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.
I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
What does a priest and a clown have in common?
They both make children cry.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a prostitute?
The look they give you while you’re nailing them.
And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”
But John came fifth, and he got a toaster.
How does Moses make his cup of tea?
He brews it.
What do priests and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.
What's a priest's favorite toy?
A mute little boy.
What did the priest say to the skunk?
Let us spray.
How come I have a father but not a dad?
He was a priest.
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy.
What do you call a Muslim with Tourette’s? A ticcing time bomb.
Why don't you see black people with Down syndrome?
Because God doesn't punish someone twice.
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
Jesus said to his disciples, "Go forth and ye shall receive eternal life." Thomas came fifth, however, so he only got a toaster.
What do you call an atheist bone? -- A blasfemur.
Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to come on your face.
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.