Religion jokes
What do you call an atheist bone? -- A blasfemur.
Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to come on your face.
I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
What does a priest and a clown have in common?
They both make children cry.
Why don't you see black people with Down syndrome?
Because God doesn't punish someone twice.
Three guys are walking in a bar. A priest, a paedophile, and a rapist. That was just the first guy.
How do angels 😇 make holy water 💧?
They boil the hell out of it.
Why can't Jesus judge gay people?
He got nailed right before he died.
What’s a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.
What's the difference between the righteous and a sinner?
You decide.
Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
What's black and white and hard as nails? A nun on speed!
What do you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.
I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.
Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?
I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.
What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.