Religion jokes
I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
Why don't you see black people with Down syndrome?
Because God doesn't punish someone twice.
How do angels 😇 make holy water 💧?
They boil the hell out of it.
What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.
What's the difference between the righteous and a sinner?
You decide.
Memes
Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
What’s a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
Why can't Jesus judge gay people?
He got nailed right before he died.
What does a priest and a clown have in common?
They both make children cry.
What's black and white and hard as nails? A nun on speed!
What do you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.
I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.
What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?
They both erupt when triggered.
What’s the difference between a priest and target?
Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.
What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?
A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.
What's a priest's favorite toy?
A mute little boy.
God: Who ever kills Hitler will go to heaven.
Hitler: 👌👌👌👌
God: 😩😩😩😩
And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”
But John came fifth, and he got a toaster.