Religion jokes
How does Moses make his cup of tea?
He brews it.
And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”
But John came fifth, and he got a toaster.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a prostitute?
The look they give you while you’re nailing them.
Why don't you see black people with Down syndrome?
Because God doesn't punish someone twice.
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
Jesus said to his disciples, "Go forth and ye shall receive eternal life." Thomas came fifth, however, so he only got a toaster.
Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to come on your face.
Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.
What do you call an atheist bone? -- A blasfemur.
I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
What does a priest and a clown have in common?
They both make children cry.
Three guys are walking in a bar. A priest, a paedophile, and a rapist. That was just the first guy.
How do angels 😇 make holy water 💧?
They boil the hell out of it.
What's the difference between the righteous and a sinner?
You decide.
Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
Why can't Jesus judge gay people?
He got nailed right before he died.
Who's better, Hitler or Jesus?
Hitler: Jesus made bread for 1000 whereas Hitler made meat for 10,000. 😅😅😅😅 (no offense)
(To circumcised people)