I have a huge thought: if Satan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good?
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."
Heyo, my children, hope you haven't forgotten about our cult!
Really gotta love all the morons who, instead of sharing irreverent dark jokes, say the stupidest shit pertaining to Christianism.
What do priests and McDonald's have in common? They both like putting their meat in between 5-year-old buns.
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.
Did you know an orphan is deeply religious because they can finally call someone "father."
How does a disabled man go to church? He can't, there's no ramp.
My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.
What's a reversed exorcism?
It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.
My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.
I bought myself the life-sized Jesus painting off of Amazon, and they had 4 nails within the pack. All I needed was 1.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So they had someone to call Father.
Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?
On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!
Ctrl, Alt, Deletus, because of thine fetus.
Why is Jesus in pieces?
Because a one man band is Nine Inch Nails.
I wanted to open a brothel in the monastery, but the slogan: "Fist some Christs" was, unfortunately, not so well received.
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
There are Three Sons: Journey, Korean, and Little Joe. They were trapped on a floating island, and a priest gave them each one wish.
The first son wished to go back to the ground. The Second Son wished to go back to the ground. The third son was lonely and wished for his two brothers to come back to the floating island.
