Religion jokes

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A roamin' Catholic.

How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?

Tell him that it is a confessional booth.

A child, molester, and priest walk into a bar.

He orders a drink.

A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

Really gotta love all the morons who, instead of sharing irreverent dark jokes, say the stupidest shit pertaining to Christianism.

Heyo, my children, hope you haven't forgotten about our cult!

Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."

What do you get when you throw holy water on a cow?

A holy cow!

Why do orphans pray to God?

So they have someone to call father.

"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.

Why is Jesus in pieces?

Because a one man band is Nine Inch Nails.

I bought myself the life-sized Jesus painting off of Amazon, and they had 4 nails within the pack. All I needed was 1.

How does a disabled man go to church? He can't, there's no ramp.

Did you know an orphan is deeply religious because they can finally call someone "father."

What do priests and McDonald's have in common? They both like putting their meat in between 5-year-old buns.

Looking out for becoming a pilot, can y'all suggest some good mosques?

Don't want to learn the landing part, though, Allah said it's unnecessary.

I thought God didn't make mistakes, but then I saw your face.

I still don't know what's the worst, most dangerous place to take your children on holiday, but, for certain, it's either Vatican City or Neverland Ranch.

What's a reversed exorcism?

It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.

My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.