Relationship jokes
She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.
My wife treats me like God!
She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.
For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
Alabama's saying: It's not cheating if we’re all siblings.
I like my coffee like my women.
Amateur.
If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.
Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?
Because you cannot break the ice.
Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?
When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”
My girlfriend called me a cocksucker, but hey, 20 dollars is 20 dollars.
The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”
Wife: “ok... what is it?”
Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”
Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.
The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"
The second said: "I'd do it for free!"
The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"
The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"
Q: Why are lesbians bad at math?
A: Because they can't multiply.
"Honey, let's not go so deep into the woods, please. I'm starting to get scared."
"It's easy for you to talk. I can go back alone right now!"
I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."
I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.
In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.