Relationship jokes

I dated an orphan and then later married him for 7 years until he told me he was an orphan.

What's the same with a controller and a woman?

They both work if you hit them.

Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.

Girl: Your card got declined.

Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.

Come on guys, this is nasty, he was my uncle, ffs :(

I was an orphan as a kid, and I'm pretty sure my favorite thing was seeing parents with their kids.

I think we know why.

Why go across town when you can go across the hall?

What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?

Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.

I got my sister a book and she cried there, but I forgot she was blind.

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

I think I found the worst joke in life. For me, it's that I have always been unwanted and alone for my whole life, and I've never even been in a relationship with anyone, and I'm 31 years old, and I also know that deep down, I'm always going to be alone and unhappy. All I get out of life is seeing everyone else with someone and knowing it will never happen for me. I think that's the worst joke I can think of... LIFE.

Still living when you know you'll never find someone to be with.

I apologize with the wording to this; it's another thing I am a failure at.

Feel free to comment.

I was raised as an only child, which I think was hard for my brother.

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.

Rapboat has to drug his own drink to get laid.

I look at an orphanage, then hug my mum. He just looks sad and crude because he couldn’t find his mum.

I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀

You know I really love going to school and meeting my crush.

All I have to do is go to the Africa section.

What is the difference between anal and oral sex?

Oral sex makes your whole day. Anal sex makes your hole weak.

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?