Relationship jokes

Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.

One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."

Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.

Hey, are you suicide? 'Cause I dream of you every day! <3

My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.

Why do orphans hate Dom Toretto?

Because it's all about family!

Why are friends good at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

Are you winter? Because you will be coming soon.

Women are like towers, the man wants to bang them both.

What’s the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?

Pikachu, I choose you!

What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.

Mommy, when will daddy come back?

I'm not your mom...

Why can’t orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call daddy.

My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.

My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.

So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 10 fingers, the middle ones are for you.

"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.

That's what Elliot Rodger did.

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?

A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.