Relationship jokes

Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.

Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀

My new stepfather told me that I'm his new son, so I said okay.

My stepfather said that my and your mom have a few things in common. I said, "Yeah, like what?" My stepfather said, "Well, you came out of your mother's pussy; I eat your mother's pussy. You used to suck on your mother's tits; now I suck on your mother's tits. Your mother used to smack you in the ass when you act up; now I smack your mom in the ass now. Your mother calls me daddy; now I am your new daddy."

I suck his dick with a smile for hours at a time.

Stare at his nutsack while I hold back my cum tonight.

And when he ask me what position I say, "Doggystyle." (And when they ask me what position I say, "Doggystyle.")

But the fact is I can never get off of his fat dick. And all that they can ask is (Ask is, ask is) "I just wanna smack it" (I just wanna smack it)

Here's what the fact is He can put my asshole in a casket (Yuh, yuh, yuh) Asshole in a casket

So you can see I'm cummin' But you won't see me nut. And I'll just keep on suckin', I'm good (Yeah, I'm good)

And if he sucks my glizzy I will become dizzy But it keeps us busy, I'm good (Yeah, I'm good)

I've been twerking for boys for so long I've been flirting with boys for so long

My jaw's been hurting for so, so long it's real So long, it's real, so long, it's real

I think people should date orphans, because their parents are never home.

Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?

Little Johnny: "Your wife."

Fall coming 🍁 grab you a hoodie & sum1's thick thigh baby mama to keep you warm 😌🍂

Roses are red,

My nuts are bigger than your small balls, that's why I get all the bitches.

Women are like grenades: you pull the ring and BOOM, the house is gone!

I'm hard right now.

'Cause you're a DICKstraction. ;)

Children and your meat are actually quite similar.

At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.

If your blind girlfriend says you have a big cock, she's probably just pulling your leg.

Why is the penis so light?

Because even thots can lift them.

"Hi, I’m Dan White’s dad. Where is he?"

A neighbor went up to me and asked me where my parents were. When I said, "In the bed," my neighbor said, "Oooooohh, how long is the penis?" I said, "Wait here," and I interrupted my parents while they were doing some "business" and asked my dad the exact question he said. Then he spanked me.

My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.

So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.

So, me and my girlfriend that I just got 7 weeks ago, we’re in class. We had this sub named Mrs. Bellatrix.

We both raised our hands and she called on both of us.

Me: First of all, are we in kindergarten? We can’t be doing 4x4 kinda stuff.

Leah: And also, are you from Harry Potter?

Why did my dad leave me?

Because I was gay.

What actor do orphans hate?

Dom Terreto (family).

Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.

She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.

How does a depressed couple say goodbye on the phone?

"No, you hang yourself first..."