Relationship jokes

I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.

My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.

I’m taken, taken my own life, bitch!

Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.

Imagine someone leaving a cut-out of Jeff Bezos on your car after you found out your blind bf cheated on you, and the McDonald's employee says over the speaker, "Weren't expecting him to see other hoes were you?"

Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.

My sister says I’m annoying, or that’s what I read in her diary.

I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"

Wow, Gwen even said she loves TJ! She just did!

Prince, look at it. You are going to be crushed. It is in bored jokes and it has 65 comments, look there!

Why do sisters hate you?

Because you're their favorite stepbrother :P

Are you Paris, 'cause Eiffel for you.

My ex is like AIDS! I can't get rid of him.

Sally's mother had four children. The fourth April, the second May, the third June. Who was the first child?

Sally.

My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.

If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

I like my women like I like my diving pools.

Wet and deep.

I like playing with Yoyos, because at least they always come back.

Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?

Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?

The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.

My girlfriend called me a cocksucker, but hey, 20 dollars is 20 dollars.

I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."