Relationship jokes
I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."
Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."
What is old, cold, and alone?
An orphan's parents.
What’s the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?
Pikachu, I choose you!
What sexual position produces the ugliest kids? Ask your mum!
Neither of them respect boundaries.
Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.
Joe mama so fat that she is homeless wit you.
Hey, are you suicide? 'Cause I dream of you every day! <3
My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.
What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?
A. Condoms have evolved. They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
What's the difference between your dad and a boomerang?
The boomerang comes back.
I broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn't stand for the pledge. She was in a wheelchair.
It's like your hairline and your forehead had a disagreement.
Are you a playground? Because I want to put my kids in you.
Which one would be better to fuck, a fat bitch or a skinny bitch?
What holiday can an orphan not celebrate?
Mother's Day and Father's Day.
Girlfriend: "Would you still love me if I was a figment of your imagination?"
My schizophrenic ass: Of course I would.
How is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
Roses are red,
Potatoes are brown,
Your mom's so hot,
I put her down.