Relationship jokes

Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”

Wife: “ok... what is it?”

Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”

Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

What do you call a person with a flip flop?

My dad.

What’s the worst joke ever? Your parents’ relationship.

Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.

The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"

The second said: "I'd do it for free!"

The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"

The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"

I love telling dad jokes. He always laughs.

I like my women like I like my diving pools.

Wet and deep.

I like playing with Yoyos, because at least they always come back.

If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.

My wife told me to contact more of my feminine side.

I crashed the car and fucked my trainer.

Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?

Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?

My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.

My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀

Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

Women are like towers, the man wants to bang them both.

Hey, are you suicide? 'Cause I dream of you every day! <3

My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.