Relationship jokes
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
Guess the joke.
Your girlfriend.
I broke up with my boyfriend and stole his wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back?
The South Tower proposed to the North Tower, but he said no.
The first time I EVER HAD SEX I WAS ALL ALONE. You know why?
IT WAS DARK and I WAS ALL ALONE!
This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.
I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"
So I did...
I don't remember much after that.
"Don't have sex" - Jake.
What do you call an orphan's family reunion?
Alone time.
I love you, my new phone! 📲
Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.
I was watching The Perfect Murder with my boyfriend. It was a good movie, but the weird thing was that my boyfriend was taking notes throughout the whole movie.
When I was 8, my sister was half my age. I am 60 now, how old is my sister?
Comments: 30! Give me an easier question next time!
What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?
"Does this come with anything?"
Me: MOM, I'm tired.
Mom: Take a nap.
Me: No, I can't sleep if Dad isn't here.
Mom: *hangs picture of dad on her room wall* Well, now you can.
What do you tell twins that are in love with each other?
Go fuck yourselves!
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, but Jack was in shock with a mouth full of cock, 'cause Jill's real name was Randy.
Five minutes later, she agreed to get with me, so we went and rocked the minivan like, "Giggity, Giggity, Giggity!"
What did the Chinese man say to his wife?
I'll chin you later.
My family is like Donkey Kong: a real pain in the ass.
What does an orphan call a family photo?
A selfie.