Relationship jokes
Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.
I hope you remembered my name since you’ll be screaming it later.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
What’s the best thing about making out with dead girls?
They can’t say no.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."
What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?
A unicycle can only take one person at a time.
What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?
I’d hit that.
Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫
Neither of them respect boundaries.
What is old, cold, and alone?
An orphan's parents.
What sexual position produces the ugliest kids? Ask your mum!
What's the difference between your dad and a boomerang?
The boomerang comes back.
Roses are red,
Potatoes are brown,
Your mom's so hot,
I put her down.
I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”
– Rodney Dangerfield