Relationship jokes
Feel my shirt...it's boyfriend material.
Why can't an orphan get married? It doesn't have its parents' blessing.
Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights, especially the right to remain silent, because all appliances should be silent.
My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.
Me: My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, and I had her wheelchair.
Me: Guess who came crawling right back?
Last time I talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.
Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.
Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"
Me: "Nope."
Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."
Me: "You never said \"love\"".
Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"
Me: "Frick no."
What's the best thing about a blowjob?
- The silence.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
Two girls have a sleepover.
Karen: Let's go to bed.
Lauren: Fine, but it's early.
*Karen wakes up and exits room*
*Lauren hears noise*
Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.
Lauren: *laughs*
Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*
How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad's c**k tastes like s**t!
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
Q. What does Kenny get when he hugs his mom?
A. A boner.
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
What do lesbians cook for dinner?
They don't, they just eat out.
Your mom is like a penny: two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants.
Did you hear that Alicia wrecked her Lexus?
It's really a shame. She had to give her dad 3 months worth of blowjobs before he'd pay for it.
Hey, what is the difference between a painting and a wife?
Only the wife was hung up.