Relationship jokes
"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."
Sister: You're adopted.
Me: At least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(
I got jealous when my phone dies.
Never break a girl's/boy's/someone's heart. They only have one of them.
Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.
What's the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
Memes
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?
You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
What did the dick say to the condom?
Cover me, I'm going in. ππ
Someone: "I WANNA BE THE SUN OF YOUR LIFE!"
Me: Then stay at 1,000,000 km of me.
I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
Roses are red, violets are blue. Get over here so I can fuck you.
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.
I started thrashing about and roared, βYou donβt have enough badges to control me!β
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
Ex: baby i miss u.
Me: sorry i can't talk, i'm at a funeral.
Ex: who died?!
Me: my feelings 4 u, bitch.
When youβre fucking your boss and realize itβs a family business.
So Kenny finally found his one true love.
But he can't be with her because it's illegal to marry your sister.
My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once.
We had sex afterwards even though she lost.
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.