Relationship jokes
I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.
What do girls and toilet roll have in common?
They both deal with a lot of crap.
Me: Hey, have you seen my butt?
Him: No, have you seen where it is?
Me: Maybe here on your private part hehe.
Him: *dumps my head on the toilet* HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR ASS NOW, PERVERT?
What is the difference between an orphan and a blanket?
One is actually used.
I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.
My neighbor's daughter gave me a three-course meal last night:
Starters - role play and stripping.
Main course - Reverse Cowgirl.
Dessert - Blowy.
What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.
My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.
Sex has no feeling with our cousin. Because both are relative.
Girl: Come over.
Orphan: I can’t.
Girl: My parents aren’t home.
Orphan: Oh, cool, something we have in common.
Are you a plane? Because I wanna be in control of you for a few hours.
A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.
The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.
Zach is a gay kid from Rob. Love you!
Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ain’t a chef!
The Man: "Sonny, why do you come to get some milk every day?"
The Son: "Because milk is important."
The Man: "Why don't you ever come with your mom?"
The Boy: "Who?"
The Man: "Your mom?"
The Boy: "I don't have a mom."
The Man: "I'm sorry for your loss."
The boy stared for a moment when two men came out of the vehicle and picked up the boy.
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 9.
You see, my son is very into astronomy.
Son: How do stars die?
Dad: Usually overdose, son.
I'm such an asshole to my son, my wife divorced me.
This dick ain't gon to suck itself.
<😏__ \ 👇 \ _/ 🍆\_
I'm Joe Biden's husband.
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.