Relationship jokes

When you have an ex, you will notice that the word "ex" is short for "executed," so that's there for yous.

One day, someone's ex was going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and her ex-boyfriend was there and gave her an apple. Next minute, she had chlamydia. What did the boyfriend do?

Haven't had sex since I got out of jail; although sex in jail wasn't that great, either.

Hey Gwen, reply to me and say if everything is alright.

Yo, back off from my homey Freshfry; he's mine!

Gwen, please just come back. I love you and I miss you so much!

During school today, a girl gave my friend her number. When I saw it, it was the principal's number.

Me: What's that sound?

Ex: What?

Me: Oh, it's the elevator going up. BYEEEE see you on another level!

Gwen, are you dead????? If not, I am Alya. Thanks for always standing up for me!!!!!!!!!!!

You can pick your friends and you can pick your 🤥 nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃.

Does it 🚲 🚲 🚲 cycle now?

Cousin: Hahaha, I am their biological parent.

Kid: So what? At least they love me more.

Hi, father, I failed the class, you mommy!

Little Johnny: Dad, why are you rubbing the horse's chest and butt?

Dad: I want to see if it's good enough to buy.

Little Johnny: I think Uncle Joe wants to buy Mom.

Your mom.

Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted!

A friend of mine told me something that I cannot forget, and I am now traumatized to hell. The next day a kid was set for an amber alert that looked exactly like my DEAR friend! :)

Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.

"Watersharky, we need a little talking..."

Can anyone play me in a no limits femdom RP on Kik?

The best quote by Kim Jong Un:

"Meeting girl in park is good, but parking meat in girl is better."