Relationship jokes
Mickey: I want a divorce!
Minney: Are you fricking crazy?
Mickey: No, I'm fricking Daisy!
Your mom is so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
Your mom is so dumb, she called me asking for my phone #.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Mary."
"Mary who?"
"Marry me!"
What do you call a photo of an orphan who takes a selfie?
A family portrait.
I asked my phone why I couldn't get a date.
It showed a picture of myself.
Mal is from alabama
Your mum... payed other people to take you!!!!
I feel wrong. What does this make us?
Still cousins.
A guy is at his locker, and a girl comes and says, "Hey, I love you."
He says, "Okay, cool." She then replies and says, "Well, what do you think about our love?" He says, "Count the stars."
Then she says, "Oh, infinity!" and he replies with, "Nope, it's just a waste of time."
What do girls after sex with Pinocchio?
Wash off the birch sap from the face.
What does "off-limits" have in common with dead people? They can’t see their family.
What do you call an orphan who takes a selfie?
A family portrait!
What did the glove say to his girlfriend?
I glove you!
The highest praise my wife gave to me was when she told me, "The best feminine attribute on your body as a woman would be your p🍆nis." 🥰
Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
Why can't orphans be gay? They got no one to call daddy.
My dad was a master of art. He was compared to Houdini due to his skill of disappearing.
I went on a date with an Eastern European chick. She got mad because I rushed her...
Get it? It's Russia, and I rushed her.
I asked a kid where their parents were...
Lol
A blind woman told her husband someone is coming. He asks how do you know, you can't see. She replies, "I can taste it."
Your mom is so ugly her face would split in half when she sees you.