Relationship jokes
Your mum... payed other people to take you!!!!
All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.
The Golden State? More like your mum's state...
What's a native chick say after sex?
"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"
Friends = your power level.
Emo kid = power level: 0000.
One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.
What do you call a photo of an orphan who takes a selfie?
A family portrait.
Your mom is so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
Your mom is so dumb, she called me asking for my phone #.
Me and a girl went on a walk...
Then she noticed me, then we went for a run. :)
Me: I wouldn’t want to be with a shitmate.
Shitmate: You’re so shitable.
Me: Bring banana ice cream.
Shitmate: Never happening.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Mary."
"Mary who?"
"Marry me!"
Why did the Mexican man push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
I know your name is baller cause I'm gonna put my baller into yo MOTHER HOLLER!
Why did he kill himself?
Because he is adopted to a fat man who farts.
What does "off-limits" have in common with dead people? They can’t see their family.
What did the glove say to his girlfriend?
I glove you!
Little Johnny: Dad, why are you rubbing the horse's chest and butt?
Dad: I want to see if it's good enough to buy.
Little Johnny: I think Uncle Joe wants to buy Mom.
A man sees a girl crying and asks her what's wrong.
The girl replied, "Everyone keeps making fun of me."
"You should tell your parents," I replied back.
The girl started crying even more. That's when I got confused and left the orphanage.
Your mom.
Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted!