Relationship jokes

Jack is a ugly meany who’s not going to my birthday!

When an African has a twin, your me??

Why are women in love with plastic because they had a plastic "galflalflflfalfl?"

Hey Stacey, love!

If anyone can see Alya KUHL please tell me! I love and miss her...

On my Tinder profile, I said, "I prefer quality over quantity." I just thought it sounded nicer than saying "no fat birds."

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell them to clap till their parents come home.

A blind woman told her husband someone is coming. He asks how do you know, you can't see. She replies, "I can taste it."

Your mom is so ugly her face would split in half when she sees you.

A guy is at his locker, and a girl comes and says, "Hey, I love you."

He says, "Okay, cool." She then replies and says, "Well, what do you think about our love?" He says, "Count the stars."

Then she says, "Oh, infinity!" and he replies with, "Nope, it's just a waste of time."

Your mom is a joke.

I like my wife like I like my coffee: so sweet, it gives me headaches.

What do girls after sex with Pinocchio?

Wash off the birch sap from the face.

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

A family portrait........

You might say I'm mean but what are they gonna do..... tell their parents?

Wait..........

My sister said that I am a baby, so I said, "Waa, waa."

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Mary."

"Mary who?"

"Marry me!"

Your mom is so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.

Your mom is so dumb, she called me asking for my phone #.

I know your name is baller cause I'm gonna put my baller into yo MOTHER HOLLER!

Me and a girl went on a walk...

Then she noticed me, then we went for a run. :)

Me: I wouldn’t want to be with a shitmate.

Shitmate: You’re so shitable.

Me: Bring banana ice cream.

Shitmate: Never happening.