Relationship jokes

A man sees a girl crying and asks her what's wrong.

The girl replied, "Everyone keeps making fun of me."

"You should tell your parents," I replied back.

The girl started crying even more. That's when I got confused and left the orphanage.

What did the glove say to his girlfriend?

I glove you!

Why can't orphans be gay? They got no one to call daddy.

My dad was a master of art. He was compared to Houdini due to his skill of disappearing.

I went on a date with an Eastern European chick. She got mad because I rushed her...

Get it? It's Russia, and I rushed her.

I asked a kid where their parents were...

Lol

What does "off-limits" have in common with dead people? They can’t see their family.

What do you call an orphan who takes a selfie?

A family portrait!

The highest praise my wife gave to me was when she told me, "The best feminine attribute on your body as a woman would be your p🍆nis." 🥰

Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her tit, I got a mouthful of knee.

What does one gay guy say to his boyfriend before he leaves for a vacation?

"Need help packing your shit?"

You're so hot!

Hey girl, are you a diamond pick?

'Cause I'm as hard as obsidian.

Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.

I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.

You know, that I see my sister at home from school. She says everyone bullies me. I say, "Because you're a fat a**."

Me: I wouldn’t want to be with a shitmate.

Shitmate: You’re so shitable.

Me: Bring banana ice cream.

Shitmate: Never happening.

Friends = your power level.

Emo kid = power level: 0000.

Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.

By the time I ran my wife over with my car, I had to stop for gas twice.

Your mama is so fat. Her high school picture is an aerial photograph.