Relationship jokes
My wife and I have been married over 30 years, but don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom.
I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.
Why can't I get a girlfriend?
Because I'm a beta male simp.
I have 25 friends from the alphabet, but don't ask me why.
Your butt is bigger than my ex-girlfriend's butt, and I love it!
If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
...is that a romantic jester?
Shitpost-master general
Father: "I don't trust you. You poured your seed in my daughter's belly."
Son: "But Paah, you can't fire me."
Father: "You're lucky you're my brother too, or I'd kill you."
What does the man cheeseburger say to the girl cheeseburger?
“You got nice buns!”
Dad: You're adopted.
Son: Where are my real parents?
Dad: >:D They are dead, now come to their grave and sleep there.
My wife said, "Why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely?"
Thankfully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up Emily in the bottom of the ocean!
Three boy chihuahua were hot about this girl chihuahua. She tells them, "I will date whichever one of you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence."
First dog says, "I love cheese, but liver is bland."
She replies, "Really original."
Next dog, "I love liver, but cheese makes me constipated."
She replies, "Ew, gross."
Third dog steps up, "Man, liver alone cheese mine."
Winner dog 3.
Why do orphans have sex toys? Because the uncle isn't there.
The only food I want to review is my wife's rear end.
Why do orphans that go to their friend's house get this reaction from the friend's mom:
"Go back to your house, it's late." "Finn, wait, can I have your mom's phone number?" "Finn, wait, aren't you an orphan?" "Wait, don't you have a phone, Finn?" "Wait, I forgot, you don't have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you."
"Uwu daddy."
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
What do you call 2 emos making out in a science classroom?
My Chemical Romance.
My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."
Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"
Your hairline [is] so bad even your mama left you.
A good bath is like a dead lover. You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.
Some girls are like rocks.
You skip the flat ones.