Relationship jokes
Why do trees always gotta leave me hanging?
The other day I went on a romantic cruise in Hawaii. Then I met my girl Zendaya on board. She was shaking her ass and playing with her penis. Then she asked me, "Hey, you wanna make love in the cabin?" I said, "Sure, sweet thang," gave me her number, kissed me on the cheek. Next day she woke up because it was a romantic nightmare.
I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia. So I ended up doing the YMCA.
I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."
What is the craziest thing an Indian man does for sex?
Marriage.
He: "Do you smoke after sex?" She: "I don't know. I've never looked."
So I was digging in the garden and I found some treasure. I was gonna tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging in the garden.
If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?
Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.
Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.
Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?
Son: Yes, why?
Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.
What did Michael Jackson say before he broke up with Billie Jean?
"Billie Jean is not my lover!"
SEX Some Event Xaern
Xaern - loving something so much you begin to dislike it.
Is your name winter? Because you’ll be cumming soon.
Gf: Babe, do you love me?
Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.
Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...
Bf: Exactly.
Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.
What is a threesome?
1 + 1 = 3
Yo mama got a daughter in a relationship, and I don't have time for you, ASAP, daughter, daughter, or your mother, or your call, or your choice of choice.
My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant, but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.
It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.
Hey mum, why do people keep suddenly dying in our family?
Mum?
Mum?
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
Why can orphans just be gay?
Cause they want to call somebody "daddy."
Roses are red,
My nuts are bigger than your small balls, that's why I get all the bitches.
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."
"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.
After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."