Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”.

The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes.

The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".

The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”

On the inside of a fire hydrant you’ll find H2O. What’s on the outside? K9P

Q: how come in airports,they park the planes outside? A: they don’t belong in buildings

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”

The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, “You can have anything you want.””

The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

If you’re American outside the restroom, what are you in the restroom?

European.

What are you on your way to the bathroom?

Russian

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills so he asks the bartender if its a jar of tips. The bartender says no, its for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, well if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler’s mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month. So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog, when all is silent the man walks in and asks, so where is the fat lady with the tooth?

Your momma so stupid when someone said it’s chilly outside she brought a spoon and bowl

Teacher; why did the skeleton know the weather outside(shrugs shoulders) student; cuz he could feel it in his bones(lenny face) teacher:no he read the weather report you fucking idiot

A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.

My dad told me i’m a failure… I failed a math’s test. Good thing theres a pole outside my house.

Yo momma so stupid…weather man says it chilli outside…instead of a jacket…She gets a bowl and spoon!!!

What’s the difference between Vikkstar and a tree? Nothing. They’re both hollow on the inside and brown on the outside.

I went outside to catch some dog but I mist

My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl. I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot

Want to hear an inside joke? I walked into a house.

Want to hear an outside joke? I walked out of that house.

Yo mom so far that when she walk outside at 8am, it became Mid Night all over again.

(only Ninjago fans understand XD) if you look outside, and its really windy, its really cloudy, and the sky looks greenish… you better run, cause it has to be Morro! XD

why did the blonde run outside naked? she thought the steam was a gas leak

what do u call security outside a samsung store guardians of the galaxy

Sign outside a hair salon: We’ll color your hair or dye trying.

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