Relationship jokes

Why did he kill himself?

Because he is adopted to a fat man who farts.

A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

I know your name is baller cause I'm gonna put my baller into yo MOTHER HOLLER!

Her: Eat my ass!

Me: Yes, chef!

Chris said to me in P.E. that he likes Jacob, and he said he wants to go straight to the bedroom.

I'm Jessica, and I really want to talk to Ashton Parkes.

Mickey: I want a divorce!

Minney: Are you fricking crazy?

Mickey: No, I'm fricking Daisy!

My emo friend tried to hi-five a tree. It left him hanging.

Me: And this is the room I cry in.

Date: You've said that about every room.

Me: Correct!

Me: "WYD?"

Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."

Me: "Without me? Lol"

The Golden State? More like your mum's state...

What's a native chick say after sex?

"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"

There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.

Hi, son.

I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.

I'll let you decide.

All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.

Meant to say my friend's nan, not man.

My boyfriend and I were playing baseball last night with some of our friends. Halfway through the game we took a break and he asked me to hold his balls for him whilst he went to the toilet.

All our friends were shocked when I went into the boys' bathroom with him.

My sis was funny but sad because I have a boy and she doesn't.

Watersharky, do you hate me?????