Relationship jokes
Your mama is so fat. Her high school picture is an aerial photograph.
Your mama is so fat, guys have to bring climbing equipment to have sex with her.
What do you call your mom?
Monkey.
You know, that I see my sister at home from school. She says everyone bullies me. I say, "Because you're a fat a**."
One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.
Memes
Me: I wouldn’t want to be with a shitmate.
Shitmate: You’re so shitable.
Me: Bring banana ice cream.
Shitmate: Never happening.
Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.
Friends = your power level.
Emo kid = power level: 0000.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Mary."
"Mary who?"
"Marry me!"
Why did the Mexican man push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
I know your name is baller cause I'm gonna put my baller into yo MOTHER HOLLER!
Why did he kill himself?
Because he is adopted to a fat man who farts.
Me and a girl went on a walk...
Then she noticed me, then we went for a run. :)
Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?
Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.
Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.
My sister's friends are hilarious, like seriously, haha.
Hey Gwen, reply to me and say if everything is alright.
Who ever said "condom?" YES DADDY!
Gwen, please just come back. I love you and I miss you so much!
During school today, a girl gave my friend her number. When I saw it, it was the principal's number.
Me: What's that sound?
Ex: What?
Me: Oh, it's the elevator going up. BYEEEE see you on another level!