Relationship jokes
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
Why did Morgan’s dad leave her?
She kept making dad jokes.
I was an orphan as a kid, but I have never had a bitch, so I asked this cheerleader to homecoming, and she said, "Mofo, you are only coming to hoco because you need a home to go to!"
If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.
I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.
I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.
You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.
Why is sex like math?
You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
Are you sure your father isn't a thief?
Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
Me and my friends were talking. Then we started talking about our wives. I said, "So, I married a volcano for a wife. You never know when she will blow up."
Boyfriend: Let's go to bed.
Girlfriend: No.
Boyfriend: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you want sex.
Boyfriend: No, I don't.
NEXT MINUTE
The man could hear banging.
Why did Stephen Hawking and his wife stop playing hide and seek? She kept using a metal detector.
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning,
It's great being a sniper.
What did the orphan's parent say when he got bad grades?
Nothing, he doesn't have any.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!
Orphans want girlfriends to call someone "Mommy."
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
You're dumb, but that's not what she said.
Incest.
When your genealogy chart is a straight line.