Relationship jokes
If her internal clock can tock, she can sit on my cock.
Two brothers were arguing. One went: "You're an idiot!"
The other went: "Your brother's a mother!"
He replied: "Yeah, I know. Thanks for agreeing with me."
Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag?
She lost her ass playing poker...
What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
My dad came back!
Me and my friends were talking. Then we started talking about our wives. I said, "So, I married a volcano for a wife. You never know when she will blow up."
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Your love life.
My wife said I acted like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
Me: Hey you trashy pig woman, go in the toilet or lay on the grass where you belong.
Trashy pig woman: Why?
Me: Because you smell like fart and you're pretty much just a turd with lips.
Your mom walked into a bar and broke all the furniture.
What do you say to someone's mom?
"You mom gay."
Yo mama so stupid, she brought weed to the highway. Then she realized, "I'm not stupid, I was just high as a bitch." She just got fucked so hard by her man, she thought she was high.
What is a threesome?
1 + 1 = 3
Jake grabbed Lina's thigh and said, "Why don't we have sex? I really wanna see your boobs. I bet they're hot." "Yeah, they are." She took her clothes off and he saw her body. "OMG GODDESS OF BOOBS, PUSSYS AND BUTT LETS HAVE SEX LOOK AT MY..." HE WOKE UP THEN CRIED AND KISSED HIS SISTER'S BUTT. SHE SMACKED HIM THEN HE TOOK HER TO HIS BASEMENT AND KILLED HER FROM SEX.
My mom is gay.
At my sample place, I handed my wife a fork and I lost my job.
Your mom's asshole.
My life, your life, and your sister is a slut.
Yo mama so fat, she fell in love with a skinny dude and tried to hug him but crushed him.
Why did Chad date the 9 yr old?
Because Stellas hot.
One day, Johnny told his dad that a girl in his class liked him. He thought she was cute. She said, "Aw, you're like candy!" He didn't say anything. He said, "Why don't you think I am sweet like candy?" Little Johnny said, "Well, sometimes I get a toothache, and it hurts, so I stop eating it, like I stopped liking you."