Relationship jokes

I asked a kid where their parents were...

Lol

Why did Playboi Carti’s partner complain about their love life? Because he kept repeating the same track and never reached the climax.

I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."

I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.

Wife: "You don't even have friends!"

There was one girl. She met 5000 guys. She had sex with each of them seven times. She became... - flip screen (=).

Fine, then if I can't do Gwen, then I guess it is Tenya and Kenya. #Twin sisters! Tenya and Kenya!

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.

Ur mom gay.

I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.

Q: What do men and math tests have in common?

A: They get cheated on.

When do you know your dad knows you are sneaking out? He hears the loud creaks.

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.

Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

Roses are red, violets are blue, she's only red bc she sucked you.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.

She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”

How emos propose: Would you please join my family tree?

If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.

Are you a marry, because you are my mother?

A man walked into the kitchen and asked his blonde wife what she was doing. She said, "I'm trying to do this jigsaw puzzle. It's supposed to be a tiger, but all of the pieces are brown." Her husband then said, "Honey, those are frosted flakes."

What did the glove say to his girlfriend?

I glove you!