Relationship jokes
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes.
Dad: What did your older brother say before he lost his virginity?
Son: Dad, please don't.
Dad: Exactly.
Dad: Uh, yeah!
Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!
Parents: Sex!
Son: What?
Parents: Look, you can spectate!
When she says she wrestles, so you pull out your dick and she punches it.
Ya nan does gymnastics with her boyfriends.
What does a husband of a woman do when he is horny?
He goes on a business trip with 100 $1 dollar bills.
My dick is like the way home for an orphan, its length is never-ending.
My wife said, "Why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely?"
Thankfully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up Emily in the bottom of the ocean!
I'm thinking about telling my daughter there's a ghost in the house. At least then I can wear a bed sheet at night and fuck her without her being suspicious.
An orphan goes to a family restaurant with her doll.
"I'm sorry but you can't be here," said the man. "This is a family restaurant." The orphan said, "This is my family," then pointed to her doll.
Roses are red, violets are blue, it's really no wonder your mama left you!
What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?
My ex-wife.
I just figured out the "X" in Max stands for the button on Tinder every girl wants to press when they see him.
My buddy and I both wanted to marry a woman who happened to be an amputee.
Sadly, my buddy won her heart, but I got her leg.
Say, "Hey, you're pretty." Then she'll say, "OMG, thank you so much," or something cringe. Then you say, "Pretty f***ing ugly, aha, gottie!"
Why is the orphan cold?
'Cause there's no one to cuddle with.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched her thigh and said, "Do you wanna?" Jill said yes and pulled up her dress and they had some fun.
But silly Jill forgot her pills, and so they had a son.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they got nobody to call "daddy."
I wish my ex-wife would take me back. :(
Your mum gay.