Relationship jokes
Cashew, see, I'm nuts about you!?
Why do orphans enjoy orgasms?
What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?
You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
What do you call a not potty trained human?
Amber Heard.
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
Little off topic but...
Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.
Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.
Mum: Fair point.
One day I was on my phone, then I got a text message from my girlfriend, "Hey, sexy boy, wanna hang out tonight if you know what I mean...?" Then I just stopped and froze. I read the message. I said, "Yeah, sure..." She replied really fast, "There's going to be a few people there, ok." But I didn't read the next message... She said, "Come right at 12:00 AM." But I didn't read it. I walked into her house, but I heard a strange noise like a moaning noise, and it sounded like HER!! So I hid behind the couch, and I looked through the open door and saw something I didn't want to see... Like for part 2 and comment if you want me to make another!!
Who thinks Gwen and dumb bitch prince should *STOP* dating! AND LET THE REAL LOVERS *Gwen and Aiden* RESUME TO *LOVE* SAY ME IN THE COMMENTS SO NOT!!!!!!!!
Do you know what's lonely?
Your lips, wanna meet mine?
My dad was a master of art. He was compared to Houdini due to his skill of disappearing.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to do it in the water.
Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.
Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.
Sex has no feeling with our cousin. Because both are relative.
Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis? A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.
Knock knock.
You: Who's there?
Urmom.
What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common? I don't care if she has one.
I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.
"Go frick a cow!"
"I already fricked your mother."
I need a lovely lady to spoil. I have a big dick and a very clean house. Add me now.
Snapchat: @colin_green21
Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.