Relationship jokes

Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*

No one:

Literally no one:

Me: Time to make his life hell.😈

One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"

What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?

I don’t turn on a light switch.

I'm jealous of the people who never met you.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and his wheelchair?

At least his wheelchair can pull a woman.

If boys are like sports because they are easy to play, then girls are like a sandwich. They are nice at first, but they're crusty after.

Hey, is anyone’s mom missing? Yeah, yours.

Yo mama joke.

What did Vegeta say to Bulma?

What?

Can I show you my new move? It's called BIG BANG ATTACKKKK! :)

When you tell her you are about to "COME," she says no, don't, please just keep going.

Shenron: THAT IS BEYOND MY POWER.

My mom said, "Hey, come over here."

I responded, "Too late, Mom!"

Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.

It's a good thing I'm married.

Guy: Are you tired?

His “Crush”: No.

Guy: Are you sure, because you’ve been running through my mind all day?

His “Crush”: That’s sweet.

Guy: I’m joking, you don’t look like you do any running.

Me: What do you want to do for your birthday?

Fiancé: I want to go somewhere I've never been before!

Me: Well welcome to the Kitchen!

Dad: Honey!

Mom: What?

Dad: All of the broken condoms are on the bed.

Mom: WHAT!?

Children: *staring*

What's the difference between you and your sister?

Your dad.

Best pick up line EVER.

There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.

Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?

Shut up and pass me the note.

Mommy, mommy! Are we outlaws? Your stepmom thinks so.

What did the cupcake tell its frosting?

I’d be muffin without you.