Relationship jokes
Friend: You know how I like my women like my coffee... hot.
Me: What if you don't like coffee? :(
How many times do you nut? It depends how hard you do it.
Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!
There was this man, and he forgot about his wife's birthday. She was very upset and said that her present should come as fast as 1-200 by tomorrow. When she woke up, she saw a present in the bathroom. It was a scale.
Rizz
Are you a basketball hoop? 'Cause I want to put my balls in you.
Are you a photo biographer? 'Cause I can picture us together.
What is your name in my phone?
I love your house. I have been in your art for.
My girlfriend has a huge crush on Jupiter, I mean she fell HARD!
Are you a waterfall?
'Cause I'm falling for you.
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.
Did you know there’s a sex position called “Amazon”? You wait all day and nobody comes.
What’s the best thing about making out with dead girls?
They can’t say no.
My sister said I'm stupid and I'm a baby, and I said, "Oh, I didn't know we were talking about you."
Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”
My wife said I had no sense of direction... so I packed my sh*t and left.
What color is Sonic's ball?
Blue because he keeps getting rejected.
When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.
A girl comes up to her dad and says, "Can I borrow the car tonight? I want to go to this party." Dad says, "If you give a head job..." The girl says, "You're my dad! How can you say that?" Dad says, "If you want the car..." The girl thinks, "Okay." She starts. Dad says, "That tastes like sh*t." Dad: "Yeah, your brother wanted the car this morning."
Roses are red.
Grass is green.
I think of you sucking my peen.
My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.
Then I asked him how many years ago.
He replied with, "When were you born?"