Relationship jokes

Bully: How is your girlfriend?

Me: I don't have one!

Bully: I know!

Me: How are your parents?

*Walks out of orphanage*

Dad: Are you gay?

Kid: Yes.

10 days later.

Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.

Dad: I thought you were gay?

Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.

Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.

A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"

What's the difference between you and your sister?

Your dad.

I went to take out the trash, could not find you, so I went back in. The next day I found you.

What did the girl say Big Fella27 said, "I love Big Fella 27?"

"Same." HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH

My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."

Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*

No one:

Literally no one:

Me: Time to make his life hell.😈

I want to cream, rn.

One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"

What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?

I don’t turn on a light switch.

I'm jealous of the people who never met you.

So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."

What do you call a man in love with an emo?

I really don't know.

I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...

Because you already look ugly.

POV: Your dad is gone.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not your dad. LMAO.

Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.

Best pick up line EVER.

There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.

Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?

Shut up and pass me the note.

Mommy, mommy! Are we outlaws? Your stepmom thinks so.