Relationship jokes
"You suck. I don't wanna be married anymore ://////"
Remember that 18 year old girl I set you up with?
Why not?
Too old.
I had sex with my dog once, and my cat hissed at me for not doing her.
Hey girl, are you my boss? 'Cause you just gave me a raise.
When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."
One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"
Me: Hey you trashy pig woman, go in the toilet or lay on the grass where you belong.
Trashy pig woman: Why?
Me: Because you smell like fart and you're pretty much just a turd with lips.
I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend. She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.
Why did the orphan become a stripper?
So she could have someone to call daddy.
My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.
And they're off!
My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.
Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.
Why do people love dating orphans?
Because they're always home alone.
I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" and the man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon!"
My sister is so ugly that she had to have a child with me to keep the family tree going.
When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.
Mom: Daddy, stop!
Me: No!
Mom: Ok, I just wanted you to do it like your father.
Did you hear about the cannibal that came home late?
His wife gave him the cold shoulder.
What's one plus one?
Yo mama.