Relationship jokes
My wife said, "Why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely?"
Thankfully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up Emily in the bottom of the ocean!
When you realize your friend standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does.
Your mom is fat, oh yeah, oh yeah, uh, uhhh.
Why do orphans have sex toys? Because the uncle isn't there.
Knock, knock!
"Is that daddy?"
No, but I'm about to be, so get on your knees!
There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.
Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles, and lighten your burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet!"
My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.
My mom went to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.
What do you call a gay man that performs fellatio on a man and cunnilingus on a woman, a person who is curious about male bisexuality, a man that is bicurious?
Does it cycle now?
After every line, say “I’m a man.”
I went to the club. (I’m a man)
I met a girl. (I’m a man)
I took her to the bar. (I’m a man)
We got some drinks. (I’m a man)
I took her home. (I’m a man)
We got in bed. (I’m a man)
She whispered in my ear... (I’m a man)
I wanna date you.
Said mom, dad said no, you are a horrid, f*cking d*ck.
The longer the relationship, the longer the breakup will hurt you. Better break up now ooo.🤣
What is the difference between an adopted kid and an orphan?
If you're adopted, you're actually wanted.
Hey babe, I’m looking to get 23 years in 23 seconds, can you help?
Q: Why did the chip run away?
A: His saucy friend tried to jizz on him.
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Did you hear that Alicia wrecked her Lexus?
It's really a shame. She had to give her dad 3 months worth of blowjobs before he'd pay for it.
What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy.
What’s the key to a successful relationship?
Consent.