Relationship jokes
My mum.
How do I make my dick disappear?
I put it in your dad.
Roses are red. Watches are gold. Get on your knees and do what you're told.
A: What's the similarity between your girlfriend and the sun?
B: They're both hot?
A: They're both massive.
So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.
If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.
Why was the ant so confused? Because all his uncles were ants.
If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.
Yeah man, you watch Pornhub, and you have premium too, but at least I don't need Premium to see your mom in bed.
A: Guess what kind of men/women do gold diggers like?
Q: One that has a sense of money.
There are two doors leading to Heaven: one for henpecked husbands and one for unhenpecked husbands. The line to the door leading to Heaven for henpecked husbands was five abreast and five miles long. The line leading to the door to Heaven for unhenpecked husbands consisted of only one lonely man.
The guys from the henpecked husband line looked at the one man in the unhenpecked husband line and shout, “Hey, Charlie, why are you standing over there for?” Charlie glances over his shoulder and observes a sea of humanity of henpecked husbands as far as the eye can see and says grudgingly, “I don’t know. My wife told me to stand here.”
My family.
What’s the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?
Pikachu, I choose you!
What do you call sex with a hoover?
Clean sex.
Wife: “How do I look?” Husband: “With your eyes.”
Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?
Because they don't need permission from their parents.
One time in the butt. Two times in the butt. Three times in the butt makes a slut hot and wet.
Why did Miss Stephen get divorced? She didn't float, too.
Kid: Which were me, are your parents?
Orphan: What are parents?
Why did Playboi Carti’s partner complain about their love life? Because he kept repeating the same track and never reached the climax.
What do you say to someone's mom?
"You mom gay."