Relationship jokes

I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.

I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.

Most embarrassing moment during sex, GO!

James Arnold: My grandma walked in while I was knife raping my wife.

How come none of my friends have dungeons? Oddly enough, they all have "rape dungeons."

Why can't orphans have sex?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."😳

My Indian wife said last night if her fanny would taste like vindaloo curry, I said I've smelt your fucking armpits, you've got no chance.

I was in a bar in Italy. Me and a hot chick got along, so I asked her for her number. I remembered that there was a pen in my pocket, but when I searched, it was nowhere to be found. I turned back, then I saw Pessi running with it. Shame on you, Pessi, for ruining my night! 😭

Your dad.

Why can't orphans have sex?

They do not have anyone to call "daddy."

The other day my mom called me a retard.

I'm now an orphan.

Why did Karen leave me?

Because I was a mushroom.

A penis has a bad life. His neighbor is an asshole, his friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Your father.

My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"

So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.

What did the man say to his wife? "Make me a damn sandwich, woman!"

A dad asked his son what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, and he replied, "How about a urinal cake?!"

So I came across a guy who was carrying a ton of clothing and makeup.

And I asked him what he is doing.

Guy: Some kawaii girl told me if I bought and brought her this crap, she would let me play with her tits.

Me: Erm... Are you a simp?

Two minutes later, the guy arrived at Kawaii Girl's house.

KG: You have it?

Guy: Yup, now can I play with them?

KG: Sure!

KG then went to her room.

Guy: Ohhhh, I know what your going to do. You're gonna call me over and you will be-

KG then held a bird cage with two birds in it.

KG: Have fun playing with them!

Guy: WHAT THE FU-

A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.

The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"

The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."

The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."

So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"

The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."

The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.

"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.

Incest is wincest.

If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...

Said the man angered to his wife:

"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"