Relationship jokes

My sister was hitting on my boyfriend. I'm 11, she's 9. She said, "Go f-ck yourself," so I said, "Okay, thanks for the idea!"

Lady: Will you fuck me?

Man: No, I don’t have a penis.

Lady pulls down man's pants and looks in them. "Yes, you do!" she says.

Man: Oh, I forgot it was there.

What's the hardest part about sex with a Thai girl?

Her, probably.

What's the difference between a gun and chips? When you bring it to class, everyone starts wanting to be your friend.

I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.

Said the man angered to his wife:

"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"

My friend's dad went to jail. He's just surprised because he can finally find him!

Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.

Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.

What are the odds of you being in a relationship that is going on in the next few months?

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Your mom.

Your mom who?

O shit, my mom's home! Honey, get the f*** out of my house!

So I stayed at my friend's house for a few days, and I was like, "OMG, why?" So, I am going home because I’m going to my best friend's house.

Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to fuck you.

Molly Burke and her mom were on a walk. Molly walked into a bar; her mom laughed and walked under it.

Your mom gay, lol.

What does your girl do to me? She sucks me off.

I caught my mom licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that?" She replied, "I’m doing it for practice for who could suck the best dick contest in the neighborhood."

I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well." My brother said, "You want a sugar cookie?"

The only reason gay people exist is because they couldn't get the opposite gender.

P = Person (not original "pun")

P1: Hey girl! P2: I got a bf! P1: Well, I got a Lamborghini Aventador, a Bugatti Super Sports, a yacht, and a private plane. P2: BF stand for breakfast. P2: Oh, and also, where did you get all that stuff? P1: GTA5 P2: You motherfucker!!!

(Communications with this person are now blocked)