Relationship jokes
What do you call useless skin on a penis?
A man.
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.
Your mom.
Your dad!
I was walking this hot girl home, then she noticed me, then the walk turned into a run.
I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.
SHES FAT!!
Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "
". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"
Divorce is scheduled for next month.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
So if you say a bear shoots children, and Leah likes Mason Boswells, and I go to Benjamin Adlard year 6.
How do skyscrapers make friends?
They reach out.
Your eyebrows are far from home just like your dad.
Oh, Mom, there is poop in the toilet still.
Mom: Oh, that was me and the dog.
Me: Wait, what????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Me: Hey, I’m your mom.
Orphan: Yay, you came back!
Me: Sike!
My friend Enyaw is gay, she is a cunt.
The mailman came to drop the mail off.
Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.
Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."
Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."
My neighbor's daughter gave me a three-course meal last night:
Starters - role play and stripping.
Main course - Reverse Cowgirl.
Dessert - Blowy.
*Riddle:* All men have one, some got long, some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. What is it?
My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.
When you met her first before your parents met each other. (In the case of your mom dating her dad).
Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK.
Why was Stephen Hawking's wife mad at him?
She caught him having an affair with his shoulder.