Relationship jokes

A couple enters a Chinese restaurant and takes their seats.

The waiter asks, "想吃什么 (Xiang Chi Shen Ma)?"

The wife responds, "吃鸡巴 (Chi Ji Ba)!"

These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.

What do you call a dick that doesn't fit in an asshole?

A misfit.

What does your girl do to me? She sucks me off.

Jack and Jill ran up the hill to pop some pills,

And Jill said, "Jack can do her without here will," and Jack's penis was still.

I caught my mom licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that?" She replied, "I’m doing it for practice for who could suck the best dick contest in the neighborhood."

Why can’t orphans have sex, my friends? Why? They have none to call daddy.

She said she was hungry. So I fucked her in the ass and gave her a chili dog.

Gutted rn... the girl I loved hard just got in a relationship. She liked me too so I missed the chance. Idk if she still does... man...

Why can't orphans have sex?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

Your mom said I was ugly. I told her she couldn’t see her belly button because she was so fat. She said, “I thought I was the only one without one!”

Your mom gay, lol.

Lady: Will you fuck me?

Man: No, I don’t have a penis.

Lady pulls down man's pants and looks in them. "Yes, you do!" she says.

Man: Oh, I forgot it was there.

What's the difference between a gun and chips? When you bring it to class, everyone starts wanting to be your friend.

What's the hardest part about sex with a Thai girl?

Her, probably.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to fuck you.

One day my ex-best friend lied about his computer dying when he left the call and watched YouTube.

My sister was hitting on my boyfriend. I'm 11, she's 9. She said, "Go f-ck yourself," so I said, "Okay, thanks for the idea!"

Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!

Molly Burke and her mom were on a walk. Molly walked into a bar; her mom laughed and walked under it.