Relationship Jokes

How do you get a depressed girl to suck your dick?

Pour bleach on it.

How to give a good hand job?

Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.

None of you ever touch my penis.

I remember my mom's last words before her divorce, "Did you just load in me?"

Once I sucked my mum's titties. Most adopted people won't know about that.

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

You can't jelly your way into someone's pants.

What is a "dad?"

What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.

How do you find a redneck virgin?

Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.

If you have sex and your African parents find out,

“You can do the boom boom. But you can not do the boom boom in my house. Do it somewhere else."

Why did the skeleton want a friend? Because he was feeling bonely.

How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.

Why doesn't Helen Keller's boyfriend like having sex with her?

'Cause she just lies there like she's dead.

Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."

My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.

A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"

Sometimes women are like bad snacks. People try them and then chuck them in the trash.

Like, and comment if you're single.

What do your BF and the Twin Towers have in common?

They both never get erect.

I am gay, is that ok?

I be on top sucking dick all day. I make him bust every day.

Why shouldn't you say "I hate you" to your parents?

Ask an orphan.

My sister told me words don't hurt her, so I chucked a dictionary at her.