Relationship jokes

You know we straight with doin' your mom.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a flower? One of them gets picked.

I was at my grandpa's this weekend and I sent my online girlfriend nudes, and when I sent them, my grandpa's phone went off, so he went on his phone, then my girlfriend replied.

I got my sister a book and she cried there, but I forgot she was blind.

Mom: Remember, you can tell me anything.

Abbie: I had sex with dad.

Mom: Go die in a hole!

I just wanted to write something random.

And now my wife is dead.

Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.

Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."

(Me) Hey bro, tell me a joke!

(My friend) Your mom. *Starts Laughing*

(Me) *Fakes laughs* *then points a gun at him*

At this moment, he knew he fucked up.

Why can't orphans have sex?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

Me: punching a kid.

My FBI agent: You're adopted.

Part 2: He walks up to a stake and nails himself there. Then he finds the knife and says to someone to find a cake to celebrate his death, but everybody came. That was the sign that nobody loved him, and that's how you know if people love you.

Are you a race car?

Cuz I’m tryna fuck.

John took a bath with bubbles.

Bubbles was a man.

One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.

My grandpa said I'm too reliant on technology... so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support.

Why does it take longer for women to orgasm than men?

Who cares?

Hi! I love my dog.

A man walked into the kitchen and asked his blonde wife what she was doing. She said, "I'm trying to do this jigsaw puzzle. It's supposed to be a tiger, but all of the pieces are brown." Her husband then said, "Honey, those are frosted flakes."

My dad hits me :(

My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?