Relationship jokes

What's the best thing about having sex with a 26-year-old?

There's 20 of them.

Babe, it's over.

After all I've done for you? Wow! I cheated on you with your sister anyway.

I meant the movie...

Ugh, don't you just hate it when you're having sex and your parents walk in the room and say, "No more dead babies for your mister, we are running low!"

1, 2, 3, 4, your sis is such a whore,

5, 6, 7, 8, she has cum on her face.

Wife is texting husband:

"Honey, if I give you 300 dollars, will you stop being blind?"

Husband: "seilghsielguG"

Wife: "Seriously, David?"

Husband: "fuweyadb"

About to go on a date.

But she was late.

So I got some tape.

And eventually punished her with rape.

A man walked into the kitchen and asked his blonde wife what she was doing. She said, "I'm trying to do this jigsaw puzzle. It's supposed to be a tiger, but all of the pieces are brown." Her husband then said, "Honey, those are frosted flakes."

Are you a race car?

Cuz I’m tryna fuck.

Hi! I love my dog.

One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.

John took a bath with bubbles.

Bubbles was a man.

Why does it take longer for women to orgasm than men?

Who cares?

My dad hits me :(

My grandpa said I'm too reliant on technology... so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support.

Can you fuck me, please?

You know we straight with doin' your mom.

My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?

What has 2 arms, 2 legs, 2 eyes, 2 breasts for milking, and a hole to fill with my 9 inches?

A sexy female.

Part 2: He walks up to a stake and nails himself there. Then he finds the knife and says to someone to find a cake to celebrate his death, but everybody came. That was the sign that nobody loved him, and that's how you know if people love you.

If two stoners get married, do they have joint assets?