Relationship jokes

When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.

I love my dog, Sadie.

What did a tree do for a human rights day at a tree?

I had no time today after a night with you today, but you walk away.

What does an orphan call a family photo?

A selfie.

What did the Joker say to Harley Quinn?

Nothing.

Why did Mrs. Henderson get a divorce from her husband, Harry?

She was tired of everyone calling the family "Hairy" and the Hendersons.

Becky: Rob, you're so stupid! Anything that you say is stupid!

Rob: .....BECKY :3

Who's the smallest wife??

Micro-wife.

My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.

Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!

I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" and the man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon!"

Guys tell me that I have a MILF for a mom. So I told my mom that guys tell me that she is a MILF. My mom said to me, "What is a MILF?" so I said, "Mother I'd Like TO F-ck." So my mom started to laugh and said, "Well, you do need a new step dad."

What’s the difference between your mum and your nan?

Your nan's a GILF!

My wife accused me of cheating. I told her she started to sound like my wife.

Pickup line: Are you the internet? 'Cause I feel a connection.

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a train? The train will touch me.

What's the difference between 5 cocks and a joke? I can't take a joke.

Your mom has a bone to pick with me.

Swiggity swooty, I'm coming for that booty!

I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.

AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Not your dad.