A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
Your mama is so stupid. We were playing catch, and I told her to go deep. She grabbed a shovel and dug a hole.
You only put your user name under Daddyboy_01 because your dad left you, hahahah!
Two people stood in one room. The first guy stared at the second.
First guy: “Sorry I had to punch you. It was a game, bro.”
Second guy: “Between me and you talking, there’s almost no PUNCH line. Hah!”
I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.
My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.
She said help, so I kicked her.
Imagine you ask a girl out in braille.
And she leaves you on felt.
What did the gay necrophiliac say when his relationship ended?
"That rotten asshole split on me again!"
I love Bubba girls and yea.
What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?
It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Wife: “How do I look?” Husband: “With your eyes.”
What's the difference between you and a calendar?
Calendars got dates.
Your mom disrespected your dad when he saw your face.
Did you know your dad was a magician? He disappeared the second he saw your ugly ass face!
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.
Yo mama is so ugly that Rick Astley gave her up.
Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.
Get the whip, you're out!
My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.
No, they will be wondering what I look like.
"I want to kill my family."
-realizes-
When I died, my friend said he'd cover me.
