Relationship jokes
"Vladymoron Pootin and Drunkard Chump sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G."
Why are friends a lot like snow?
If you pee on them, they disappear.
I don't blame Amber Heard for wanting Elon Musk, especially if Johnny Depp is hairy and smells like a port-o-potty full of cigarettes and gunsmoke.
Don't take my posts seriously, take them like your ex took you—as a joke.
Why do orphans not like jokes?
Because they hate your "mom" and "dad" joke because they miss their parents. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Husband: I look fat, can someone compliment me?
Wife: You have good eyesight.
How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.
The emo kid wanted a high five. I left him hanging, so did the tree.
As I was eating this girl out, I thought I tasted some horse semen... I exclaimed, "Oh, Grandma! That's how you died!"
Masochists and sadists are made for each other.
Are you a haunted house?
Cuz I am gonna be screaming when I come inside you.
I wasn’t close to my dad when he died. It’s a good thing he stepped on a land mine.
I was stark nude. Hehe, I was. I truly and sincerely was.
The nurses giggled and said, "Joseph, why the hell is your wiener so loving?"
My penis purred and stroked their hands. I laughed and said, "I do not know."
Why are orphans' funerals so small?
They have no loved ones.
So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...
Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
To Mr. Nice Guy, you are nice, sweet, and caring! I am so grateful to be your friend!
My dad walked in on me having sex with a dog. She gasped and shouted at me, "Get out of here, it's my turn!"
My bf: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
My bf: Ice cream.
Me: Ice cream who?
My bf: I scream if you don't let me see that smoking hot body!
My dad left me, lol.
Why do orphans want to get married so bad?
To have someone to call "daddy."