Relationship jokes
Dad: "Honey, I'll be right back. I need to get some papers."
Me: "Okay." *Falls asleep.*
*Wakes up in an adoption center.*
Damn, it was those kind of papers.
Your mom's asshole.
Why can’t someone say "ur mums gay" to an orphan? Because he doesn’t have a mum.
I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.
Guess who likes vegetables now?
A note for my old English Teacher:
Mr. Colin, who loves making a din, He thinks everyone loves him, but little does he know, That's not what everyone shows, About his life he ploughs and ploughs, About his dog Bella and his relationship woes... Mr. Colin, we do not care, When you speak, our minds are not there, Your life you have unnecessarily shared, When we see you, our eyesight is impaired... Mr. Colin, rumbling about his exceptions, Just when someone puts something in the bin, Or chatters to someone, not even causing a din, But Mr. Colin, drinking too much gin, Will flail all his annoying attention on him, He'll push his limits, right to the rim...
And just how I love flan! Oh, he's finally gone!
What can you tell a dog, but not your girlfriend? Come.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
As a brother, I have to report my sister has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great personality.
What goes in and takes a while to come out?
My friend and I got into a fight. I looked straight forward and said, "Look me in my eyes!"
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)
Q: Why can't orphans be gay?
A: Because they don't have anyone they can call "Daddy."
When you are f***ing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you f**k like your guys' dad.
Then you f**k your mom and she says the same thing.
Roses are red, Foxes are orange, I like your butt, Let me touch it forever.
Jackie gives better head than Marilyn.
A couple has sex in the dark every single night.
One night, the wife gets curious about what goes on, so they start f...ing, and she flicks the light on. When she flicks the light on, she catches him with a dildo playing with her pussy. She's so mad that she started ranting and raving. The husband says, "Honey, I know you're mad, and I'll explain the toy. Just do me one favor: explain the children."
What holiday can an orphan not celebrate?
Mother's Day and Father's Day.
What happened to the woman who dated a rapist?
She was date raped.
I wasn’t close to my dad when he died. It’s a good thing he stepped on a land mine.