Relationship jokes
A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."
Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?
A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.
Alicia: I said no already, quit it. You are thirsty, leave me alone creep.
Nathan: I wanna sex YOU.
Alicia: I LOVE DICK bud, you're *WEIRD*.
Nathan: WE-WE
Alicia: WEE-WEE?
Nathan: YES YES YES LETS FUCK NOW TAKE them panies off u said yes well in french but u said yes
Alicia: U tricked me I ain fucking u
Nathan: *SEX ME!! BITCH SEX ME OH PLEASE SEX ME SEX ME* *screaming saying it*
Alicia: *WEIRD*
Nathan: Dick ten inches and i geuss u cant call me *10 inched big long dick nathan* your lose
Alicia: WHAT NO.... wait? 10 inches yess
cauh!.cauh! ummm umm long dick goood unmmm couh coun ccccchhou
nathan: why do i have the urge to stick a chicken wing up yo pussy
cuugh umm
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
🌍: You're so hot!
🌎: How are you single?
☀️: I burn anyone who gets too close!
The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."
Why did Adam commit suicide? Andy went through the back door.
Some dude called me a tool.
So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
Guess he was right :/
You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.
Dad: Son, I came back.
Son: Where is the milk?
Dad: Time for another 10 years.
I was talking to my old friend. They said, "We should hang out more!"
I said, "You mean we should ketchup?"
What is the other word for an orphan?
Paren't.
Night chat. #love you forever maybe until I die! 🌸
I don't ever really bother women, but when I do, I usually just want to talk. I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that's not a 10 or a 5, I get shutdown so fast. I put out lit candles...like damn, I thought I hid my ring.
Why did the emo break up with her boyfriend?
He didn't wanna hang out.
When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."
I love friends.
When you accidentally choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that it's your sister so who gives a f**k?
I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.
Mom! (DYM 3)