Relationship jokes

On my 21st Birthday, my mom told me, "I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child, you're going to get something good, something you've been looking forward to," is what my mom said.

Me, my mom, and my only friend celebrated my Birthday, then we all went to sleep. I woke up the next day. I asked, "Hey, where's my gift you said you got me?" My mom said, "Since your father left us, you have no father figure in your life, so this is your new stepfather." The only thing is, it was my only friend.

One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy, ‘Darling, how does my dick taste?’”

What's Asian but has broken up with its girlfriend?

A dumpling.

Adam and Eve were sitting on the beach one day, and Eve says to Adam, "Let's go for a swim." Adam replies, "I'm not in the mood."

She says, "Okay, I will go by myself." She puts her toes in the water and splashes around and says, "The water is beautiful, come in!" Adam replies, "Na, still not in the mood."

Eve wades into the water until she gets to her waist. Adam jumps up and yells at Eve standing waist deep and says, "Oh no, now all the fish are gonna smell like that!"

What is the difference between a gay male who is not physically challenged giving a blowjob to a gay male that is not physically challenged, and a gay male who is physically challenged giving a blowjob to a gay male who is not physically challenged?

A gay male who is not physically challenged who receives a blowjob from a gay male who is physically challenged would still not believe that the physically challenged male is gay because the gay male who is not physically challenged is the definition of an asshole.

What do you call an emo dating another emo?

The suicide duo.

What do gay men like to suck each other's bananas because they like the ice cream filling?

"You're pretty, let me take you on a date!" Sike, I lied. You're ugly and fried. What you talking about?

Why did LazarBeam kiss a man?

Because he couldn't kiss Fresh; he was already gay.

Johny Sin's son checked his father's folder of p*rn in his laptop.

and found that in all the videos his father is...

Knock, knock!

"Is that daddy?"

No, but I'm about to be, so get on your knees!

I like my women like a day: 24 year olds. 24 hours of fun.

So I was at the store and I saw a pretty woman, and I said, "Hi."

Quickly, she said, "I am not interested. I have a husband."

And when I saw the woman again, she said, "I need help."

I said, "No, call your husband!" KARMA. 😂😜

I caught my sister licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that for?" She replied, "I'm doing it for practice for your friends."

What did the first guy say to the second?

Wanna shove a banana up yo ass?

Guess how I'm getting laid tonight?

"I'm stronger than you."

I'm hard right now.

'Cause you're a DICKstraction. ;)

Just because she can't crawl doesn't mean she can't eat my balls.

How do you know if a rapist loves you?

He will rape you many times.

Hey mum, why do people keep suddenly dying in our family?

Mum?

Mum?

Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!