Relationship jokes

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Your mom." "Your mom who?" "It's not your mom, it's my mom!"

Husband: I look fat, can someone compliment me?

Wife: You have good eyesight.

My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."

I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.

I wasn’t close to my dad when he died. It’s a good thing he stepped on a land mine.

My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."

My friend Harry.

People, when your lover cheats on you, do this!

1. Start a conversation. 2. Say, "What's that smell?" 3. They will smell around. 4. Say, "OMG, it's a b****," and walk away and ignore them.

I have some words that might make sense to girls, but maybe not to boys, ready?

smart

kind

sweet

caring

loving

mature

What do you do when you get a boy named Jackson? You dump him.

My dad walked in on me having sex with a dog. She gasped and shouted at me, "Get out of here, it's my turn!"

You should always be happy about family and love.

My bf: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

My bf: Ice cream.

Me: Ice cream who?

My bf: I scream if you don't let me see that smoking hot body!

Wow, Aiden, maybe you've been mean to Tenya. She is hurting, close to killing herself, but hey, I can pick your ass since, ya know, that is what I do!

When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.

Why can't orphans have friends?

They will stay together.

Your classmate: You're so ugly.

Me: That's what your mom said when she had you and called you a mistake.

Why did the boy ask a question to the girl?

My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Not your dad.

What's the difference between 5 cocks and a joke? I can't take a joke.