Relationship jokes
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
How do you find a redneck virgin?
Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.
Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."
Why doesn't Helen Keller's boyfriend like having sex with her?
'Cause she just lies there like she's dead.
I fucked your mom.
Why did the skeleton want a friend? Because he was feeling bonely.
How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
Yo mama is so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Let's play twin towers, your thighs are the towers and my penis is the plane, coming in between.
I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.
The things you do for your cousins!
What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?
"Goodnight, Mom!"
This is not a joke. Stop online dating.
My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."
My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.
Why can’t orphans get married in Alabama?
Because they don’t have a sister.
My sister is so ugly that she had to have a child with me to keep the family tree going.
Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:
"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"
What do your BF and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both never get erect.
Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?
Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.