Relationship jokes
Your dad.
Why can't orphans have sex?
They do not have anyone to call "daddy."
I was in a bar in Italy. Me and a hot chick got along, so I asked her for her number. I remembered that there was a pen in my pocket, but when I searched, it was nowhere to be found. I turned back, then I saw Pessi running with it. Shame on you, Pessi, for ruining my night! 😭
"Jack and Jill run up the hill to have sex but in a text a sibling sayed I’m on a hill sleeping with a mex. foursome peace love and biches."
The other day my mom called me a retard.
I'm now an orphan.
Memes
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Your father.
My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"
So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.
Why did Karen leave me?
Because I was a mushroom.
A penis has a bad life. His neighbor is an asshole, his friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.
What did the man say to his wife? "Make me a damn sandwich, woman!"
A dad asked his son what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, and he replied, "How about a urinal cake?!"
So I came across a guy who was carrying a ton of clothing and makeup.
And I asked him what he is doing.
Guy: Some kawaii girl told me if I bought and brought her this crap, she would let me play with her tits.
Me: Erm... Are you a simp?
Two minutes later, the guy arrived at Kawaii Girl's house.
KG: You have it?
Guy: Yup, now can I play with them?
KG: Sure!
KG then went to her room.
Guy: Ohhhh, I know what your going to do. You're gonna call me over and you will be-
KG then held a bird cage with two birds in it.
KG: Have fun playing with them!
Guy: WHAT THE FU-
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.
Incest is wincest.
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
Dark humor leave if sensitive: Wives are like grenades: pull the ring, and the house is gone.
Yo momma's so gay, you sucked her balls.
Family feud after finding out about Alabama.
Random guy: Hi, how old are you?
Me: 15
The guy: You're so young, age is just a number.
Me: Do you know what else is a number?
The guy: What?
Me: 911
A couple enters a Chinese restaurant and takes their seats.
The waiter asks, "想吃什么 (Xiang Chi Shen Ma)?"
The wife responds, "吃鸡巴 (Chi Ji Ba)!"