Relationship jokes

What's the best thing about having sex with a 26-year-old?

There's 20 of them.

1, 2, 3, 4, your sis is such a whore,

5, 6, 7, 8, she has cum on her face.

Babe, it's over.

After all I've done for you? Wow! I cheated on you with your sister anyway.

I meant the movie...

Ugh, don't you just hate it when you're having sex and your parents walk in the room and say, "No more dead babies for your mister, we are running low!"

Wife is texting husband:

"Honey, if I give you 300 dollars, will you stop being blind?"

Husband: "seilghsielguG"

Wife: "Seriously, David?"

Husband: "fuweyadb"

John took a bath with bubbles.

Bubbles was a man.

One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.

Why does it take longer for women to orgasm than men?

Who cares?

My dad hits me :(

What happened to the woman who dated a rapist?

She was date raped.

What has 2 arms, 2 legs, 2 eyes, 2 breasts for milking, and a hole to fill with my 9 inches?

A sexy female.

I got my sister a book and she cried there, but I forgot she was blind.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a flower? One of them gets picked.

Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.

Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."

I was at my grandpa's this weekend and I sent my online girlfriend nudes, and when I sent them, my grandpa's phone went off, so he went on his phone, then my girlfriend replied.

Mom: Remember, you can tell me anything.

Abbie: I had sex with dad.

Mom: Go die in a hole!

If two stoners get married, do they have joint assets?

Can you fuck me, please?

I just wanted to write something random.

And now my wife is dead.

(Me) Hey bro, tell me a joke!

(My friend) Your mom. *Starts Laughing*

(Me) *Fakes laughs* *then points a gun at him*

At this moment, he knew he fucked up.