My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.
I told her to keep her chins up.
Relationship Jokes
What's the difference between friends and family?
One is actually real.
My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Kid: Which were me, are your parents?
Orphan: What are parents?
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your wife needs Jon Grudon, too.
What’s the difference between milk and the air?
At least the air will always be there for me.
I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."
What's a lesbian's favorite weapon?
A finger-gun👉👌
How did a man know his wife died?
Dishis start piling up.
When I get jokes. They aren't f****** restarted like you.
My sister.
You don't have to worry about running while boys are around. Even I can't see anything there.
Me: You have terrible jokes.
Mum: Shows me a mirror.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back? Sadly, the hardest part to eat of the vegetable is the wheelchair.
Why are life and a penis alike?
Women make both of them hard.
Roses are red, I like weed,
If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."
Ur mom gay.
I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday. Let's just say I quit my job as a butcher.
My family.
The QUEEN is JACK! KING off the JOKER!
I know what you're thinking, pervert. Actually, the joke's about a jester in drag. OK, I’m joking, the Queen cheated on the King with the Jester.
