Relationship jokes

What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."

There was a girl called Millie, and she had sexy blond hair, and she wanted to chase me, but I told her she had to catch me first if she loves me.

Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.

How did a man know his wife died?

Dishis start piling up.

When I get jokes. They aren't f****** restarted like you.

My sister.

What's the difference between friends and family?

One is actually real.

You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.

I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.

I hate my stupid wrinkly ring doing f, dad!

A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.

“Those are just contractions.”

What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?

The boomerang comes back.

If you text your crush and they leave you on read, just know that "read" has four letters. You know what also has four letters? "Mine." So that basically means that you are theirs. :)

Why did the skeleton not go to prom?

Because he had no body to go with.

Me: You have terrible jokes.

Mum: Shows me a mirror.

A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.

One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."

Why are life and a penis alike?

Women make both of them hard.

She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back? Sadly, the hardest part to eat of the vegetable is the wheelchair.

Why did the blonde have sex with a Mexican?

Her teacher told her that she had to do an essay.

What’s the best part of fucking Noor’s vulva (btw Noor is black)? If my dick is right beside Mara’s vulva (btw Mara’s white and so am I).