Relationship jokes
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back? Sadly, the hardest part to eat of the vegetable is the wheelchair.
Why did the blonde have sex with a Mexican?
Her teacher told her that she had to do an essay.
Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?
Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"
Why did the skeleton not go to prom?
Because he had no body to go with.
What's the difference between sex and gender?
You can't have gender with your sister.
Me: You have terrible jokes.
Mum: Shows me a mirror.
Why are life and a penis alike?
Women make both of them hard.
What's the difference between normal sex and anal sex?
One makes your whole day and one makes your hole weak.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and slapped his thigh and said, "You know you wanna."
Jill said yes, picked up her dress and said, "Let's have some fun!"
Silly ole Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.
Girl: Come over.
Orphan: I can’t.
Girl: My parents aren’t home.
Orphan: Oh, cool, something we have in common.
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"
Then I start to think I was the problem :(
Just kidding, fuck that asshole!
I love sucking on food because if you really think about it, tits can be counted as food, so I could technically suck on a woman's tits.
When I get jokes. They aren't f****** restarted like you.
My sister.
My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.
I told her to keep her chins up.
What's the difference between friends and family?
One is actually real.
I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word “Mother-in-law” you get the words “Woman Hitler”.