Relationship jokes

I love sucking on food because if you really think about it, tits can be counted as food, so I could technically suck on a woman's tits.

Yo papa's wife is so dumb and fat that we had to use yo papa.

I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word “Mother-in-law” you get the words “Woman Hitler”.

Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?

Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

In a lesbian relationship, which feminazi cooks?

None, both carpet munchers eat out.

I asked my sister to say something.

She said, "No."

That's what I like to hear.

Why did the blonde have sex with a Mexican?

Her teacher told her that she had to do an essay.

What’s the best part of fucking Noor’s vulva (btw Noor is black)? If my dick is right beside Mara’s vulva (btw Mara’s white and so am I).

Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?

Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"

You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.

A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.

“Those are just contractions.”

What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?

The boomerang comes back.

If you text your crush and they leave you on read, just know that "read" has four letters. You know what also has four letters? "Mine." So that basically means that you are theirs. :)

I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.

I hate my stupid wrinkly ring doing f, dad!

Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

What's the difference between friends and family?

One is actually real.

My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.