Relationship jokes

Dad: Hey, uh... you're adopted.

Dog: *frown*

Girl: Come over.

Orphan: I can’t.

Girl: My parents aren’t home.

Orphan: Oh, cool, something we have in common.

One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.

Why don't orphans get dad jokes?

Because they don't have a dad to tell them.

When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:

Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?

You don't have to worry about running while boys are around. Even I can't see anything there.

What's the difference between sex and gender?

You can't have gender with your sister.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word “Mother-in-law” you get the words “Woman Hitler”.

Yo papa's wife is so dumb and fat that we had to use yo papa.

Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?

Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

What's a lesbian's favorite weapon?

A finger-gun👉👌

I love sucking on food because if you really think about it, tits can be counted as food, so I could technically suck on a woman's tits.

Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?

Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.

Your mum is so fat, all her relationships are long distance.

Your eyebrows are far from home just like your dad.

Are you a builder, because you give me an erection.

Me: Truth or dare?

Crush: Dare.

Me: I dare you to give me your phone number.

Crush: Umm nevermind, truth.

Me: Ok, what is your phone number?

A bully says, "I get 10x more girls than you" to a gay kid.

Then the gay kid says, "10 X 0 is still 0."