Relationship jokes
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To find their way to the store to see their dad.
My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.
Wife: “I want another baby.”
Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one!”
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
When you tell your mom that she is bad at jokes, then she tells you, "Well, I made you!"
Why do shows have a family? Because they are "Pair-rents"!
What does an orphan call a family photo?
A selfie.
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away.
Orphan: But why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
Dad: Boy, come sit in this hole while I brace the ground.
Boy: I don't want to see Grandpa, he scares me!
I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."
My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.
I got $1,000,000 for my brother. Best trade I ever made!
"Love is a good thing, never be embarrassed by it."
Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.
My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!
I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"
I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3
Jacob likes fucking me and my mom.
Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."
Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.
My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.
So did my friend on the right.
I had a dream of skiing.
How do you know if your sister's on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes funny.
What's worse than fingering your sister?
Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.