Relationship jokes

When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”

Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?

That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.

We aren't ghosts, but I'll take you under the sheets.

What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?

Me time.

How do you break up a fight between two gay men?

Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

Why is hand holding a couple thing? Because they touch each other's genitals anyway.

My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.

What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?

"I woke up Chris Breezy."

Q: How many men does it take to open up a beer?

A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.

A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?

Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.

What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.

Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?

Answer; It's because that is where EVERYONE goes to "Hang Their Meat"!

Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?

From the mace.

What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?

Answer: a Carnivwhore.

A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."

The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"

The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."

How is a marriage like a hurricane?

In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.

My last best man's speech was like the marriage--short, occasionally funny, and ultimately ruined by the bridesmaid.

Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.

Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."

What's the difference between three cocks and a joke?

Your mom can't take a joke.