Relationship jokes

So, I met this girl and she was a 9 out of 10. I met this other girl who was 7 years old. The 7-year-old ate my 9 out of 10 girl because 7 was a psychopath.

Girlfriend: You remind me of a cellphone.

Ex-Boyfriend: How and why?

Girlfriend: Because you're about to die!

You ever get the feeling when your parents are cheating on you? I do.

Mom!

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

I like the satisfying sounds of your butt being spanked.

Me and a girl went on a walk...

Then she noticed me, then we went for a run. :)

Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.

I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.

What’s the difference between rape and marriage?

With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman.

Q: How do you know a wishing well works?

A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.

I have some words that might make sense to girls, but maybe not to boys, ready?

smart

kind

sweet

caring

loving

mature

Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.

Why can't orphans be gay?

'Cause they have no one to call "daddy."

Roses are red, I like burgers on a bun.

This news: family neuters furry son.

I hope I'm not a big pain, but Jordan C, please stop bothering me about my age! I know I am 8 years old, but enough.

Then you make jokes about how smart I am and intimidate me because of my name. I don't remember intimidating you for anything. So please, with all due respect, stop.

PS It's not for drama, it's because you're bullying me for nothing. I come here just to joke or be nice to people, not for the drama. So please again. Stop. That is all I ask.

Thank you.

There was a boy named Sammy, and he was deeply in love with a girl named Rayne. But she didn’t notice him or talk to him. But one day, she did, and they end up liking each other and getting married and lived happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy snuck in Rayne’s house at night and kidnapped her, locked her in his basement, and turned her into a puppet so she'd be with him forever and ever. The End.

I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.

Depression hits harder than my dad.

I fucked your girl.

What do nail polish and panties have in common?

Both come off with alcohol.