Relationship jokes
We aren't ghosts, but I'll take you under the sheets.
My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
Why is hand holding a couple thing? Because they touch each other's genitals anyway.
Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?
From the mace.
Memes
gordan ramsey
Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?
That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.
What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?
Answer: a Carnivwhore.
I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.
The dad finally came back with the milk!
When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.
Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.
"Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?"
Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
"Mhm... So you're gay?" -Darling
What is the difference between your dad and a video game?
Your dad doesn’t beat you.
"A friend with weed is a friend indeed."
You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.
A lesbian couple and a gay couple are going to San Francisco. Who made it first?
The lesbian couple got there lickety-split.
The gay couple was still packing their shit.
How does the cop respond to being called racist?
He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."
When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.
Kurt Cobain said he wished he was gay.
That's why he married Courtney Love.